Thursday, December 3, 2009

"Where Did You Get Those Hamburgers?"

Ok, did my title today have you wondering if I lost my mind? Don't answer that. LOL Don't run into the kitchen either. I can't be giving you all permission to make big giant hamburgers, Adam would kill me! Oh, did I mention that this is a turkey burger? Or wait, maybe it was a veggie burger. Yeah, that's right. It is a veggie burger. (wink, wink)

After I sent over the post yesterday, Adam reminded me of two other comparisons that we have recently discussed to better explain the differences in the pink & blue language. Differences, that if you aren't careful could land you on the crazy cycle. How can I be so sure? Because the first example almost bought us a one way trip.

A few weeks ago when I wasn't feeling well (because we thought we might be pregnant), Adam came home from work around 7pm to find me sleeping on the couch. I meet him at the door now every single time he arrives, so this was odd to him. He knew that I must not be feeling up to par. I was pretty groggy & a little embarrassed that I had slept from when we left (around 4-4:30) until 7pm. I wasted my entire night & the only night that the kids were gone. Adam approached me to see if I was okay & to make small talk about how work went. A few minutes into it, Sam & Georgia, our lovable little doggies started dancing around because they thought their bladders would burst. Well, I am assuming that is what they were thinking by their behavior. They are notorious for interrupting our conversations.

But, they are so cute. Ok, back to my story. Adam looks at me & asks me if I took the dogs out while he was gone. Defensively, I said, "No, I have been sleeping the whole time." Since I already told him that, I assumed that he was being a smart xxx butt. I felt like he was saying that I didn't do my "job" while he was gone. As I started to get more upset, Adam stopped me. He said, "Hey, I was just asking because I can go ahead & take them out." Oops. What was I doing? Because I was feeling so ashamed & insecure about my extensive nap, I jumped to conclusions that it was Adam who had the problem. He wasn't being mean at all & was actually trying to help. Ugh. Thank goodness for Adam's interest in Love & Respect....crisis averted. Whew. He showed me love "unconditionally", even though I was becoming disrespectful.

Still wondering where the hamburgers come in? Ok, I will tell you. There was an example in the Love & Respect book that really grabbed me. I completely agreed with this entry & it was exactly how I would have reacted had I been in the same situation. Actually, I am pretty sure that I have had the same verbatim response in the past. Emerson (Dr. Eggerichs) decided to do an experiment, here is how it went......

Emerson went to a cookout over at a friend's home. They were cooking hamburgers on the grill. While they were hanging out having the male bonding time, Emerson asked, "Hey Tom, where did you get those hamburgers?" Tom said, "I got them over at Harris Teeter. They were having a great sale." Emerson said, "Perfect. They look beautiful. I can't wait to dig in" (The conversation might be off a little, but you will get my point in a second.) He then decided to have the same conversation with Sarah, his wife. They were having hamburgers for dinner & he said, "Hey Sarah, where did you get these hamburgers?" Sarah said, "Why? What's wrong with them?" I will pause for a second so that you all could stop laughing. You know exactly why this is funny. Because you all have done it! We assume that our husbands are asking because something is wrong, not that they are curious, trying to make conversation, or certainly not because they like the burgers. Why do we do that? Because, our husbands speak a blue language & we speak a pink language. Not wrong, just different. It is so important that we trust the good willed nature of our spouse & not jump to conclusions. A situation that could have been positive & filled with affirmation could turn into an ugly argument.

I have been sitting here for 10 minutes going back & forth about where I wanted to go next. I have something that is weighing heavy on me to share but I think I am going to wait until tomorrow. I want to take my time with it & I don't want to give you all too much in one day. I want to keep this 30 days as manageable & exciting as possible. (to limit excuses) I am so excited to share it that I may start preparing my notes as soon as I hit send. LOL Caution: It is going to be a whopper. No pun intended. I didn't want to sound cheesy. Lettuce move on. Okay, okay. I will stop before I lose readers. :) I am not sure why I am feeling so comedic today. Maybe it is the sunny weather. Finally!

Day Three - 

" suffers long, & and is kind..." 1 Corinthians 13:4
"And my God shall supply all your need according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus." Phil. 4:19

Love indeed suffers long & is kind. As you consider your Encouragement Challenge, determine today that you will NOT say anything negative to or about your husband. Speak kindly to him with words of genuine encouragement. 

If your husband is considerate of your needs, let him know that you have noticed. Thank him for his kindness & consideration. Thank the Lord that your husband knows how to be both tough & tender. 

Sometimes it's difficult for a man to be gentle, kind or tender - especially if he hasn't had role models in these areas. If he's not a considerate person, appeal to him for help without complaining. Let him know that it's hard for you to handle some things alone. Then, when he moves in to help, don't insist that he do it your way. Be glad that he is responding, & express your gratitude. 

Ultimately, you can't expect your husband to make you feel more secure, loved, etc. Remember that only God can meet the deepest needs of your heart. 

Day Three Prayer - 

Pray that your husband will be humble & quick to agree with God about his sin. Pray that his heart will be tender toward the voice of the lord. (Ps.51:2-4; Micah 6:8)

I found this quote a while back & it seems fitting today since I was talking about my jumping to conclusions.....

"The only exercise some people get is jumping to conclusions, running down their friends, side-stepping responsibility, and pushing their luck!"

That doesn't sound pretty, does it? Is this you? Lets all make a change TODAY. Remember, together we are strong!
Aimee Freeman


Michelle Found said...

Hi Aimee

Your hamburger story was SO HILARIOUS! I could SO MUCH see myself in that story.

Why on earth are we like that????? Our poor husbands are in trouble when they DON'T talk and in trouble when they DO!

I appreciate these things that you bring to our attention. Sure does help me to step back and take a closer look at my own mouth and attitude.... and then to DO something about it! Thank you!

~Michelle Found
Picton, Ontario, Canada

Anonymous said...

Aimee, I feel like the hamburger story was just for me. LOL!


Anonymous said...


I had my own "hamburger" moment this morning. As my husband was leaving for work, he went to grab a banana. He was CONSIDERATE and first asked if he should leave it for the kids. I said, "No, I have a half of banana for the baby"... and he said, "Well, this banana looks like its only half of a banana." (it was small). So, MISS PINK says, "Well, I didn't GROW THEM!"

THE MINUTE I said it... I knew I shouldn't have...but, to me, like the hamburger story, he was criticizing my FOOD SHOPPING. How ridiculous!

I'm going to try to STOP this PINKY-talk!!!

Jennie said...

And also, I forgot to say, I laughed out loud and your burger puns. :)

Jennie said...

Aimee, I have been reading your blog from the first day and I am so touched by your awareness. I know, from your stories, that you haven't always been as aware as you are now of your foibles and I'm so grateful that you're helping me to see where I'm being just downright ridiculous. I have been working through all of the challenges and I'm really trying to not say anything negatively about or to my husband. I was very irritated today from something that "he" did, but truthfully it was my own interpretation of the situation that caused it to be negative. I had my phone in my hand to call my mom and complain when I remembered the challenge and I stopped, prayed about it and realized that I was the one acting stupidly, not him. Thank you for helping me to keep bolstering my husband and strengthening my relationship with him and with Christ. We've never had true difficulties, and we've never allowed divorce to even be a word in our vocabulary, but I'm looking forward to the rest of our lives working on our relationship together.
By the way, do you need me to send you anything?
The Mary Kay Lady,
Jennie :)

NayLahKnee LahKnee said...

Yeah, my language is a daarrrk pink. Just had to nail me on the head with that didnt ya? {sigh} ok ok - I hear you loud and clear with my good and bad ear.

sheesh.....cheesy whopper lettuce move on.....LOL!

Angela said...

Hey, Sister in Christ! I love your blog and will be back several times a week—for sure.

I found you on Blog Catalog. Keep up the good writing dear sister:)


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