Wednesday, December 2, 2009

"Can We Talk?"

Good afternoon sisters. I hope that you all are staying dryer than I am. It is raining cats & dogs here & I have a lake in my driveway. This proved to be a challenge when bringing in the groceries. LOL Since my wonderful husband will be working more, I have the luxury of spending more time at home with my family. I should probably start feeding them a little better. After being gone for the holiday, my fridge was naked empty. I spent an hour or so looking at recipes online last night so I can show some new skills & give the image of Susie Homemaker to my family tonight. If you have a great (healthy or not too unhealthy) recipe, send it over. For now I am using & The Food Network website.  I am embracing my stay-at-home mommyhood!  However, I will need to plan better & get on a new schedule. The kids will be home in thirty minutes & I prefer blogging while there are no distractions. It doesn't look like that is going to happen today. Plus, I haven't eaten yet. (It is 2:30pm) This gloomy weather has gotten in the way of my inspiration most of the morning.

Last night I got quite a few emails from those of you that are really excited about this new challenge. I heard some amazing stories on how the 14 day challenge has improved your marriages. Thank you SO much for taking the time to email me. I can't tell you how excited Adam & I get when a testimony comes in. We absolutely love them. Praise God!

Today I want to talk about something that has come up in your emails a few times. You all are doing a great job of letting me know what topics to cover & when. I haven't had to make many "decisions" on what I need to discuss on any given day. What do you think are three words that make our husband's cringe every time that they hear them? "Can We Talk?" What our husbands hear through their blue hearing aid is, that he did something wrong (or didn't do something at all) & you want to tell him about it. That HE is a problem. What you might really be asking is simply that you want to talk & have a little face to face time, or just build rapport. Maybe, you even want to talk about something fun. Typically what we want to talk about doesn't have anything to do with our husbands at all. We just want to discuss something that happened during our day or something that bothered us about someone else. Be prepared for your husband to ask, "What did I do wrong now?" It is just the way that he thinks. He doesn't mean to upset you. Remember, he doesn't like confrontation. Maybe we have given him a reason to feel that way in the past, maybe not. It could just be because he is wired that way. This behavior change is something that could take years of him trusting that you aren't really attacking him. Be careful not to react in a negative way. You could start an argument that is completely unnecessary. To decode what your mate is saying, "be quick to listen, but slow to speak, & slow to become angry." (James 1:19)

Here is an interesting example from the Love & Respect book:

While going through your video series in our small group, I encountered the opportunity to decode something that my husband said to me. We were traveling in our car on the way to see a movie. He was quiet & smiling smugly. I said, "What are you thinking?" He replied, "I was just thinking about how critical you are." My natural instinct was.....well you know. But I thought, this is a goodwilled man. Maybe he means something else. So I asked, " What does that mean, that I am critical?" He replied, "I mean our family couldn't exist without you. You are so critical to us."

Interesting isn't it? How many of you would have gone off the deep end without even taking a second to think? Assuming that our husband was attacking us & our character? I may have. "Through presumption comes nothing but strife." (Proverbs 13:10) Let us take the time to think & to try to decode what is being said first, then ask questions. I promise, you will need this grace one day as well. You will be so thankful that you taught your husband this lesson when he pays you back tenfold. Adam has been doing an amazing job decoding me lately & I am so grateful to him. We both have saved a few disagreements fights by using this technique.

Day Two - 

"...through love serve one another." Gal. 5:13b

How did you do yesterday with your first day of blessing & encouraging your husband? Was it easy? Was it hard to hold your tongue when you wanted to say something negative? We hope that you are off to a good start. (If you blew it, don't give up - start again today!) There are so many practical things that you can praise, if you look for them. 

Today, find some way that your husband is serving you or your family. Does he help around the house? Take care of the car? Fix things that are broken? If you budget allows, give him a new, small tool with a big bow attached. But make sure that he doesn't think that it is part of a "Honey Do" list!

Maybe your husband is not a handyman, but he runs errands for you. Take care of you when you are sick? Help you make decisions? Praise him for his willingness to serve others. Let him know that you see his unique service as a great strength. 

Day Two Prayer - 

Pray that your husband's relationship with God & His Word will bear fruit in his life. Pray that he will be a man of wisdom & understanding, fearing the Lord. (Proverbs 3:7, 9:10; Psalms 112:1)

Aimee Freeman


Heather said...

My husband was just saying that he wanted some mechanic gloves. I might get him some now and put a set in his stocking.

My friend has a cooking blog that is awesome. Go check it out. She adds stuff almost daily.

Tell her I sent you!

Anonymous said...

Aimee I am LOVING this challenge (and so is my husband) I know Christmas will be WONDERFUL this year because our relationship is so much stronger and cemented in good foundations. Thank you xxxx

The Lane Family said...

Thank you for this new challenge. Dealing with infertility, loss of a child and then 3 kids 3 and under can put a little strain on a relationship. SO this new challenge will be awsome!!

Thank you!!


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