Tuesday, December 29, 2009

What Happened?

Thank you all so much for praying for our dear friend, Brent Riggs & his family over the last day. Brent posted an updated & it looks like everyone is going to be okay. You can follow along on Brent's blog for any further updates.

Have you ever said to yourself or someone else, "My husband doesn't complain about me, but I complain about him all of the time. This proves my view that I am better, he is the problem"? I have. I can remember plenty of times that Adam & I would get on the crazy cycle & I would be begging for him to tell me what was "wrong" with me. He never could, or would. So, I wrongfully assumed that must be because nothing is wrong with me. I win. Case closed. Since I always thought that I was right anyway, this was very easy to sell to myself.

Now I look back & I think, then why did we fight all of the time? After learning the lessons that Dr. Eggerichs teaches, I can see that Adam just didn't want any further confrontation. He wanted to end the fight, shut me up, distance himself, etc., so he didn't add fuel to the fire. He knew I would retaliate back & I would manipulate the conversation until he would lose anyway. Why not lose early in the argument & stay quiet? Sounds like a good plan.

So, there were things that were wrong with me, I just didn't know what they were. Then one day, Adam wants to separate. It didn't seem fair to me. I didn't know what was REALLY wrong so I couldn't fix it. But if I am honest, would I have fixed them had I known? I don't know. Remember, I was never wrong back then. I think that for me personally, loosing Adam was what had to happen for me. Maybe Adam was telling me or showing me what bothered him, but I wasn't looking or listening. I didn't want to know that I might have problems. How foolish I was! I had this amazing man that I loved, the rest of the world loved, my kids loved, my family loved, & I was letting him go over what? Pride! Ugh. It makes me angry to even think about it.

What does pride really get you? In my opinion, if you are going to let pride get in the way of really living & enjoying your life, you better love yourself a whole bunch. Because that is who you are going to be spending the most time with. Your husband will leave, your friends will turn their backs, you kids will hurt because daddy is gone & it is at least half your fault, your family will lose their in-law, you will have to work much harder to pay the bills yourself, you will see your kids less because you may need to put them in childcare or take on two jobs, etc. But what if you gave up that pride? What if you made a change in your life, your husband's life, your kid's lives? What if?

I can tell you from living on both sides of those tracks of pride, it feels much better to FEEL the love that my husband has for me, than winning any fight that broke us both. I still get mad from time to time & sometimes I feel like I want to stay angry, but it goes away a lot sooner. When I apologize, I mean it fully. After that 15-20 minutes the devil's fury goes away, I am truly devastated that I hurt my husband or that our kids may have heard us fighting. Looking back, there has never been one argument that was so important to win that I would sacrificed my husband. But that is what I was doing each & every time, little by little.

I encourage you to think of your past arguments. What damage could you have caused? How much unhappiness is building in your husband because of YOU? Forget what he has done. This is only about you. You can't control him, especially if you haven't even been able to control yourself. Think of a time when you were truly both happy. (your dating life, the proposal, your wedding day, or the birth of your children) You loved this man, respected him, admired him, dreamed of a life together, got butterflies when you would see or hear from him. What happened?

Day Nineteen - 

Read the description of a wife's description of her beloved. Song of Solomon 5:10-16.

Criticism leaves scars; but encouragement can bring healing. Remember that today as you focus on your 30 day challenge. 

Almost nothing is as devastating  to a man as the belief that his wife finds him repulsive. Sadly, many women unwisely criticize their husbands' bodies. 

Have you ever considered how wonderfully God designed men & women? No matter how a man looks - by the standards of the world - a loving God designed them all, & they are all "beautiful" in His sight. Encourage your husband today by praising his uniqueness. 

As you look over your husband's body, from the tip of his toes to his bald or bushy head, thank God that your husband is "wonderfully made", then admire your husband verbally. (Strong arms? Hairy chest? Firm hands? Big feet? Rugged chin? Wide shoulders? Compassionate eyes? Broad smile?)

Also refer to Day Five of the 14 Day Challenge. Click here.

Day Nineteen Prayer - 

Pray that your husband will understand the importance of taking care of his body - the temple of the Holy Spirit - for the glory of God. Pray that he will practice self control by making wise food choices, & get the sufficient exercise to stay healthy. (Rom. 12:1-2; 1 Cor. 6:19-20, 9:27)

Aimee Freeman


thorney said...

I was divorced after 20 years of marriage. 12 years later I'm still trying to figure ot what happened.

I am happily married now and I know I am with the love of my life--forever. He talks to me and share the good and the not so great with each other. We don't go to bed angry and we don't pick on each other.

I am so thankful that you and Adam were able to reconcile and come back to your special place together. You are a blessing.


Beth said...

I have no idea "what happened." The craziness of life, financial stresses, issues with in-laws, and settling into marrie life I guess.

Mary said...

Wow Aimee... this post spoke to me (they all do but this one really did). I often think complaints about my husband and he never does anything but praise me... I cannot think of a time when he says "well, you...." Amazing!

Mary S


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