After I blogged yesterday I sent a Twitter that I went to VS (Victoria's Secret) & that I got a last minute "gift" for Adam. I hate to go into all of my personal details but I think that my journey will help at least one of you. My sweet husband gave me a $100 gift card to VS for our anniversary in October. Until yesterday I had not used one cent of it. I gained 15 pounds in the last 3 months, why would I? Well, maybe because Adam clearly was hoping that I would buy something from there. LOL Who wants to buy bigger "sexy" panties? I don't feel sexy when I gain weight. What would I do? I went in there with the intention of getting some super hot, flannel pajamas. Maybe not hot in the way that Adam had dreamed of, but hot, warm, & cozy for me!
I think I was in the store for an hour. I took my time, reminded myself that Adam bought me the gift card (probably with a little hint attached), & that it was his birthday. I tried to keep an open mind & I actually started to feel sexy. I didn't go with the flannel pajamas because I honestly didn't like the patterns. What would I do? I couldn't go the super sexy route because I wouldn't feel comfortable & then I would have defeated the purpose & wasted my money. So I went with this:
Sexy, but it covers all of my "problem" areas. Thankfully my knees & below don't make me want to hide under the covers, in the dark. LOL Funny thing is that when I just went on their website to get these photos I noticed that they are 2/$30 & I paid $26 for one. I guess I am going back tonight to get another "gift" for Adam for Christmas. Yay! I know it is only a t-shirt but Adam thought it was sexy. What was sexy was that I got dressed up just for him, did my hair, & made my eyes all smoky. (I have never done that before so I Googled: how to apply eye makeup) Stop laughing at me! I spent only $15 but all of the effort that I went through for him made him feel so special. I met him at the door when he got home & did day 13 all over again. The rest ladies, will have to remain private. :)
As some of you noticed from Adam's FB post last night, he enjoyed his brownies for dinner & some scrumptious chocolate covered strawberries (& apples) that were delivered to us for Adam's birthday by a very sweet blog friend. I will show you a photo, but don't drool on them. Actually, I added chocolate covered strawberries to my Christmas list.
Last night, as I reflected on the day I realized that I had gone through more trouble for Adam's birthday than I ever had. I have spent more money in the past, but I thought out these gifts from the heart. Adam thanked me a hundred times yesterday & told me that this was the best birthday ever. We had such a good time as a couple & I genuinely enjoyed the GIVING part of things so much that I felt like it was my birthday too. It was amazing. You always hear people say that it is better to give than to receive, that true happiness comes from giving to others. It felt so good to make Adam so happy. Thank you all again for making my husband feel as wonderful as he is.
C-H-A-I-R-S: A checkup for wives (from: The Language of Love & Respect by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs)
If a wife can use the C-H-A-I-R-S principle each day, she takes a giant step toward making her husband feel unconditionally respected.
Conquest - Because "God took the man & put him into the garden of Eden to cultivate it & keep it" (Genesis 2:15), I need to grasp why & how all men feel obligated & drawn to work.
Does my husband know I am behind his desire to work? Do I support him in his field of endeavor? Do I really understand how important my husband's job is to him - that it is the very warp & woof of his being? Do I realize that my recognition of the significance of my husband's work energizes him & how fond feelings of affection for me to arise in him in response to his recognition?
Hierarchy - Because - he is called by God to be "the head of his wife, as Christ also is the head of the church" (Ephesians 5:23), my husband needs to hear my gratitude for his willingness to protect, provide, & even die for me.
Do I express my respect & appreciation for his sense of responsibility for me, or do I either openly or subtly resent the biblical concept of the husband's headship, feeling that my husband views headship as a right over me, not a responsibility for me? Am I willing to send my husband a card or a note to tell him how much I respect him? What would I say to thank him for his desire to take care of me? Do I fully understand how much such a statement of respect for his commitment to protect me can touch him deeply?
Authority - Because Scripture tells wives to "submit to your own husband, as to the Lord" (Ephesians 5:22), I need to place myself under his protection & provision, & when stalemates arise, I need to let him know I am willing to defer to his decisions, trusting God to guide him.
Do I let my husband know that, because he has the responsibility to protect & to provide for me, I recognize he also has primary authority in our family, or do I insist on an "egalitarian" marriage where we both have equal authority, yet I contradict "egalitarianism" by expecting him to be primarily responsible? Do I recognize my husband's desire to be the leader in relationship to me? Do I allow my husband to be the leader, or do I take the lead because frankly, I am better at a lot of things than he is? Am I on record with my husband that, because he has 51 percent of the responsibility (to die for me), he has 51 percent of the authority?
Insight - Because the Bible teaches that is was Eve who was deceived (1 Timothy 2:14; 2 Corinthians 11:3), I should be very aware that there will be moments when I can be misled by my feelings & want to ignore my husband's counsel.
Do I need to turn to him for his opinion & analysis, or do I tend to depend more on my intuition? Do I realize that we are a team - that our marriage needs my intuition AND his insight? Do I regularly ask for my husband's advice? Do I follow it? If my husband offers ideas or opinions that are contrary to mine, am I open to changing, or do I reject out of hand his wish to offer insight? Do I often see my husband as wrong, sinful, & in need of correction & myself as right, good, & correct? Do I sometimes try to be my husband's Holy Spirit?
Relationship - Because the Bible clearly speaks of how a wife should be her husband's friend as well as his lover (see especially Song of Solomon 5:16), I should recognize the value of just being with him.
How much shoulder to shoulder time do I spend with my husband? Do we do things as friends & companions? Do I ever just sit with him - to watch a ball game or TV program - because I understand his desire for me to be with him? Do I ever just sit & watch him work on something without having to talk?
Sexuality - Because a husband should have eyes only for his wife (Proverbs 5:19), a wife blesses her husband when she understands his vulnerabilities & meets his sexual needs (1 Corinthians 7:5).
Do I understand that my husband's need for sex is really an indication of his deeper need for respect? Do I sometimes deprive my husband of sex because I don't feel he meets my needs for intimacy & love? Do I think we need to be close before we can share sexually, or do I see having sex with him as a way to feel close? Am I willing to give my husband the sexual release he needs even when I am not in the mood?
This woman sounds terribly familiar to me. It was not that long ago that she played an active, disrespectful role in my marriage. I challenge you to read each of these daily, or at least weekly. How can you make improvements to your behavior & to your marriage?
Day Twelve -
"With all lowliness & gentleness, with longsuffering, bearing with one another in love."
Part of the difficulty that you may face as you continue in this 30 day challenge to encourage your husband is that you are really struggling to find positive things to praise. Perhaps the problem is not with your husband. Have you checked your own heart?
Sometimes we get disillusioned because of our own unreasonable or unrealistic expectations (Proverbs 13:12). It may not be that our mates are doing something wrong; it's simply that we expect too much in some areas.
Our expectations must be met in God alone, & then we will have the right perspective to ask God for the healing & grace we need to respond to others.
How sad that we give more grace to others than to those in our own homes. Today, try to look at your husband through the eyes of grace. Verbally thank your husband for what he is already doing.
Day Twelve Prayer -
Pray that your husband will use practical skills to build your family & make wise decisions for your welfare. Pray that he will serve unselfishly. (Gal. 5:13; Phil 2:3-4)