Monday, December 14, 2009

What Is Your Hot Button Expression?

Ask yourself this question - "Can I expect my spouse to have confidence that I love or respect in my heart if I speak untruthful, unwholesome, unforgiving, unthankful, or unscriptural words?" Obviously the answer is no. Also as yourself this question: "What might happen in my marriage if my words are truthful, wholesome, forgiving, thankful, & scriptural?"

Be aware that your words are a very good indicator of what is going on in your heart - and your spouse knows it. If you pledge respect but your words feel disrespectful then all you have done is plant seeds of doubt. If your husband asks you to come do something with him, such as watching the football game, & you say, "I have many more important things to do. I don't have time to watch some football game." Surely, you have hurt his spirit. Men can feel just as insecure as we do if we do not speak respectful words. We can show that the things that are important to him, mean nothing to us. Or worse, we let him know that we think that they are a complete waste of time. How many times have you done this?

"The tongue is a small thing, but what enormous damage it can do." (James 3:5)

We will not speak perfectly all of the time, but we can ask God to help us talk less imperfectly more often.

Do you have a hot button expression that your husband says that just makes your blood boil? Adam used to use the words, always & never on me. Such as, "You always act like that...." or "You never do this..." Those words were not true because I didn't always or never. I hated it. Saying that to me was a sure way to take a trip on the crazy cycle. It made me feel that I never changed, even though I had made drastic improvements at times. Adam would even tell me, when things we good, that he noticed changes. Then, we would fight & he would break out the always or never. I didn't hear much after that because I was already past my limit. Do you do this?

Even now, my phrase is "I have a question." Whenever Adam that to me I start to worry. What did I do wrong? How serious is this question? etc. etc. We don't argue, I just know that this particular phrase scares me. I can't even pinpoint why. I asked Adam what his hot button expression is & nothing came to his mind immediately. I suppose that I am glad that he didn't give me a list. LOL So, what is YOUR hot button expression?

Day Ten - 

"Behold you are handsome, my beloved! Yes, pleasant!..." (Song of Solomon 1:16a)

We all crave appreciation. We want to know that we are valued & loved. Early love letters probably reflected our admiration, but if we are not careful, our spouse will forget why we were drawn to him. If you still have any of your old love letter, re-read them for clues to deepen your current level of appreciation for your spouse.

When we spend time criticizing our husbands, we lose time that could be spent admiring them. As you consider various ways to encourage your husband, ask, "How can I admire him?"

Does your husband know that you think he is attractive? What was one of the characteristics in your husband that first drew you to him? Was it a physical characteristic, or something else?

Was it his gentle, compassionate eyes? Kindness or concern for others? An easy going confidence? A steadiness that comes from trusting in the Lord? Strength of character in a culture that lacks integrity? Do you see at least a glimpse of that characteristic in him today? Whatever it is, tell him!

Day Ten Prayer - 

Pray that your husband will be a good father - disciplining his children wisely & loving them unconditionally. If he is not a father, pray that he will find a young man to mentor in the things of the Lord.  (Eph. 6:4; Col. 3:21; 2 Tim. 2:1-2)

Aimee Freeman


Redeemed1 said...

Thank you for this great post.
My hot button words are "doing your religious duty..." or "reading your religious book" etc..
My daily devotions are not my religious duty! It's my very special time growing in the knowledge of God. To me, those words seem like he is saying I'm not a Christian - which I know he's not saying - but it really steams me every time!

Danielle said...

The always and never are the big ones in our household as well. Love this post! You are so encouraging to me.

Ria Thurston said...

Beautiful Blog! I am a newlywed & this is inspiring. Trusting Jesus each day to become a better spouce is SO humbling. I plan to follow your blog :) Thank you!

Michelle said...

Great post! I do have a question though about telling your husband you're too busy to do something with him. There are time when he wants me to do something with him that I am truly just too busy. How can I tell him this without making him feel rejected?

As for "hot button expressions", I'm not sure that I have one. I learned very quickly not to name call when we were fighting. This is how my parents fought, so I thought this was normal. But he flies off the handle when I've done this. Now, we fight clean.

erinmself said...

I don't know about a "hot button expression" but whenever my husband points out something I am doing that he finds annoying it just cuts me to the core. I get irrational feelings that he is going to stop loving me or leave me. It is like I am back in elementary school and he doesn't want to be my friend anymore.


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