Thursday, November 12, 2009

Is Modification Needed?

Welcome ladies. I want to thank all of you that have added me on Twitter & Facebook. If you still want to "friend" or "follow" me you can just click on the links. I also see that many of you have grabbed a button from the sidebar & put it on your own blogs & websites! That is awesome. Wives are coming from your blogs all over & many marriages are getting stronger & stronger each day. Thank you all so much for your support & encouragement. I am feeling so blessed to be a part of this journey. Thank you all for your wonderful emails & comments on the posts. They keep me going! Honestly.

When Adam & I were separated, the hardest thing for me to wrap my brain around was how I was going to "show" him that I was changing if he was never around me. I mean, 3 1/2 hours away is pretty far! I was fortunate enough to have two weekends in the 2 1/2 months that Adam was gone. That's it though. Everything else that I did had to be over the phone, text, or in an email. Since we only spoke on the phone a small handful of times, it was pretty much email. I had to be resourceful. I couldn't do many of the tasks that these books were telling me in the exact way that they expected me to do them. I had to modify them. I REALLY wanted my marriage to work, so I was motivated & nothing was going to get in my way.

So, many of you have emailed me over the past few days asking me how you can do these challenges if you husband is already moved out, if your work schedules don't match up, etc. I encourage you to really think about each daily lesson. How can you make an adjustment to suit your situation? How can you begin to prove to your husband that he IS the most important person to you & that you will NOT let a little distance get in your way of making him happy again? What is 14 days? Dedicate yourself to giving this challenge your whole heart for 2 measly weeks. Is that too long to know that you have truly tried your hardest? That you have given this marriage all that you've got.

I will give you a few examples to get you started & I will try to give one along with each day in the future. If you come up with some great ideas, please post them in the comments section. There are a lot of women with this road block that could use your advice.

Day 3 - Tell him that you can't wait for him to be home when you are so that you can make his favorite meal for him. If it is going to be a few days, he will get excited thinking about it. If you have already separated, make his favorite meal & deliver it to him. Give him the dish with a note saying that you just wanted to do something nice for him, & then leave. No getting into conversations that could lead to arguments. Have no expectations. (I realize this will be hard)

Day 4 - If you can't say something nice about him to someone in front of him, send him a text or email saying something like this, "I ran into Susie at the store today. I was telling her how great you are doing at your job & I respected how many hours you are putting in." Or, something along those lines. Be creative. If you can't think of anything, I will help you. Just ask.

Day 5 - If you haven't seen him in a few days it should be fairly easy to dig up some kind of compliment. His shirt, his tan, his weight, or something.

Day 6 - This one can be tricky if you are separated. You don't want to be pushy. This is where I told Adam that I was sorry that I never treated "his things" as important to me. That left an imprint on him. After you say that though, you better mean it. Otherwise, you will lose all credibility & he won't trust your so called changes.

Day 7 - If you can't leave a note, leave a text or email. Take it one step further & send him a card. We love to send cards, don't we ladies? I have been doing this in the mornings several times a week. Adam gets up at 5am & I am NOT a morning person. He gives me a kiss goodbye which sometimes wakes me up enough to go use the bathroom & peek through my crusty eyes enough to leave him a text. I will say something like, "I hope that you have a great day today. Thank you for working so hard for our family. I respect you for waking up early every day without complaining. I love you." He has commented several times that this starts his day off on the right foot.

Day 8 - Can be done in text, email, or over the phone. Doesn't really need modification.

I hope that these ideas help. Just do me a favor. Think to yourself, is it really a challenge to do these lessons, or am I making excuses? Be honest with yourself.

I want to take a moment to say how very proud I am of all of you that have been doing these daily changes. I know that for some, each day has been extremely difficult but you have done it. That is something to celebrate. To show how much I appreciate you all, I wanted to send you some flowers. Well, virtual flowers that is. Enjoy!

I also want to let you know that as you begin making your life better & your marriage better, the devil will be watching out for you. He will try to get in the way of progress. I believe that is what happened to Adam & I. We were reaching so many people through Kayleigh's story that he tried to break us up. He knew how powerful we could be together. Don't let the devil in. Try to recognize when he is getting in the middle & regroup. Take a second to think, make a better plan, & apply your changes. You can do it & we are here to help you!

Lesson #9

Ask his opinion on some issue related to his expertise or interests. Phillipians 2:4 says, "Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others." If he is a political junkie, ask a political question. If he is a sports enthusiast, ask a sports question. Ask a question in an area that interests him. You are also letting him know that you respect his insights.

If you can get him to really get excited & you have several questions prepared, look out. He will be more than happy to talk about his interests with you. Go for it!

"Lord, thank you so much for guiding me each day so that I may make the right decisions for my family. Thank you for allowing me to have this chance. I have realized some of my previous errors & I ask for your forgiveness. Lord, I am trying so hard to right my wrongs, but I need your help. I have tried this on my own & it hasn't worked. Please continue to show me how I can be a better wife. Show me how to make my husband feel loved & respected. Father, thank you for having the faith in me that I can do this. Amen."
Aimee Freeman


TJsMommy said...

Hi Ladies!!! I just wanted to share the results of today's challenge with you all.

My husband and I work opposite schedules. I work 6am - 2:30pm M-F and he works 1pm - 11:30pm W-S. We have 2 children. Sundays are our only days together as a family, and then we have Monday & Tuesday evenings after I get home from work. Not a lot of time, but we make it work.

Since doing these challenges A LOT has changed, for the better.

The other night I showed interest in his video games - which I have never done before. So for today's challenge, I simply asked him what the name of the game was. This is the response I got from him:

"You will need to explain to me what has happened over the past week or so :) You are doing things you never did before or not since we have been married and I am certainly not complaining. Maybe I can learn a thing or two and become an even better husband and father if you tell me;)"

So, this stuff works ladies! My husband and I have had our rough our 2nd year of marriage we almost seperated, but have come a long way since then.

As most of you are, I am so thankful for Aimee, Adam and this blog. They are an answered prayer for many of us :) So Thank you to them! And I hope a lot of you out there are seeing results as I am :)

~ Kristen

Anonymous said...

KRISTEN- That is GREAT! You simply ask what the name of a video game and VIOLA! I bet you weren't expecting that...but, THAT IS AWESOME!!!!


Bridie said...

Aimee - I noticed your button says "grag" a button.

Keep up the good work

Aimee Freeman said...

Eek. I am not sure how that even happened. I "think" it was right earlier. I hope so. LOL Thanks for the heads up, Bridie. :)

Mandy said...

My husband and I also work opposite shifts on most days. I was encouraged by a counselor I was seeing, to start a journal. Her and her husband go through a devotional together on paper. Each one reads the same devotion at different times throughout the day and them writes their thoughts to share with the other. We have not gotten quite so sophisticated, our is just a book of notes, how the day went, that we were thinking about each other, etc . . . it is one little thing that helps us stay connected when we feel so distant from each other.


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