Hello ladies. I hope that everyone is getting settled, finishing cleaning, winding down the baking, packing, traveling, & are ready to spend time with loved ones for CHRISTmas. I am in wrapping Heaven you know what today so I need to jump to the meat & potatoes of today's post. Adam, Allyson, Brandon, & I all wish you a VERY Merry CHRISTmas. I will be back to posting on Monday.
Relationship - His desire for shoulder-to-shoulder friendship may seem a bit odd, but keep your ears open for it anyway.
When a wife is friendly & shows that she likes her husband, particularly by doing shoulder-to-shoulder activities with him, he will feel respected. But when she becomes immersed in her own schedule & duties, she seems to have no time for him, then she might hear something like "Can't you let that go for a few minutes? Come sit with me & watch the last two minutes of the game." A wife could say, "Don't you know that I have a lot to do?" or she can decode her husband's message, put her duties on hold for a little while, & say, "Sure, watching with you will be fun." The key, however, is to respond in a truly friendly way. Mean it!
Being friendly to her husband is one of the most effective things that a woman can do to strengthen her marriage. Dr. Eggerichs has a challenge that he suggests that wives do when they feel that there marriage is going under. He tells them that they can do three things to turn their marriage around. "1. Be his friend. 2. Be friendly. 3. Be his friendly friend. P.S. In case I forgot to tell you, be his friend." He also asks them to list 7 things that they can do to be more friendly & to put those into practice. Then he tells those wives to write him back in 6 weeks & let him know what happened.
After all of this friendly behavior starts, husbands start saying things like, "Who are you & what have you done with my wife?" or "I don't know what drug you are on but, don't kick this habit." It is always wise for us to not make comments about, "being a better friend to you." Actions speak volumes & you need to seek opportunities to be friendly with him. If he is working on something around the house, just go be with him for 15-20 minutes. Stand there & talk to him. If he asks why you are there just tell him that you wanted to be with him & reassure him that you didn't come because "you need to talk". If you are like many of us, silence can kill you. Resist the temptation to say anything. Remember, one of the best ways to communicate with our husbands is by NOT trying to communicate with our husbands.
Sexuality - Listen carefully. His desire for sexual intimacy is much deeper than merely physical.
A husband has a need for sexual release that only his wife can meet, & when she does so, he feels respected & honored. By the same token, a wife has a need for affection & emotional closeness that only her husband can meet, & when he does, she feels loved & cherished. These two major needs can cause a standoff if someone is not willing to make the first move.
When a wife shames her husband, she is "rotenness in his bones" (Proverbs 12:4) & one of the ways that she can shame him is sexually. If she seems to deem his sexual need contemptible ("Stop it! I'm not in the mood!"), he is crushed & provoked to respond, "You never seem to be in the mood anymore," & he might even add, "Are you trying to punish me?" or "I'm tired of this sexual blackmail." The wife who is willing to honor her husband's sexuality can try saying or adapting the following:
"I don't try to blackmail you by withholding sex. Please forgive me for coming across this way. I don't intend to."
"I enjoy making love, but first I need you to hold me & talk to me. I'm the Crock-Pot; you are the microwave. We both have the same goal, I just take longer to warm up."
"I do want to satisfy you sexually. I want us both to be satisfied. Let's try to spend more time early in the evening just talking & being together. This could help both of us relax for making love later."
"I have never tried to punish you by withholding sex, but now I see how you felt when I denied you. Please forgive me."
"When you are more open with me about your heart & tell me you are sorry, this is a turn-on for me."
"I'm sorry the kids & all the rest of it have left me too tired to make love at times. Why don't we leave them with my mother & get away for the weekend?"
When you start using the C-H-A-I-R-S principles, sexuality can be the hardest or the easiest to decode. Some men will be very upfront & their complaints don't need much decoding. Other men may be too proud to say anything obvious, but they will send other messages that voice their frustration. Regardless of how he communicates, the best approach for his wife is to realize that his need for sexuality is one of his strongest & she should try to meet that need even if she doesn't like it.
Maybe your husband can unwrap a new wife this Christmas!
Day Seventeen -
"The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, & the knowledge of the Holy One is understanding." (Proverbs 9:10)
Are you a wise woman? Do you open your mouth with wisdom, as Proverbs 31:26 suggests? As you continue in your 30-day challenge, remember that a wise woman encourages her husband.
Is your husband a wise man? Does he have a Godly perspective that comes from knowing God & walking with Him in obedience? Does he have a sense of purpose for his life & vision in your home? Tell him how much that means to you.
If you are not sure about your husband's vision for your home, ask him, "Honey, what do you want to accomplish with our marriage & home in the years to come?" and "How can I help you accomplish that?" If he does not have a vision, your questions may inspire him to develop one.
If your husband is not walking with God - or perhaps, does not know the Lord - you have the opportunity or responsibility to practice your faith & create a thirst for God. Thank God for giving your husband a place in his heart that only He can fill, & keep praying that he will turn to the Lord to fill that vacuum.
Day Seventeen Prayer -
Pray that your husband will have an eternal perspective - living in light of eternity. Pray that he will reject materialism & temporal values & put God first in his life. (Matt. 6:33; Deut. 6:5; Eph 5:15; Ps. 90:12)
Will you all please pray for me over the next few weeks? I had some blood work done on Monday & the doctor just called me back with the results. They said that my thyroid levels (I have Graves Disease) are fine for now, but my white blood count is slightly low. I know that I should not worry, but I am. Whenever I receive troubling news, it takes me a day or two to remember that everything is God's plan. Waiting two weeks to have a second blood test is going to feel like years. I went it for a check up because I was feeling so tired lately, jaw is clicking, heart racing, & 15 pounds of weight gain in 3 months. (which is why I wanted my thyroid levels checked) I pray that this news is nothing serious & that I will feel comfort while I wait for further testing. Thank you all for your support & prayers. They truly mean the world to me!