Thursday, January 28, 2010

Love & Respect Challenge - Day Two

I have to say that last night's challenge was pretty easy for me. I learned the importance of meeting Adam at the door several months ago, before we did the Love & Respect 14 Day Challenge the first time. He loves it. Unfortunately, I have learned that being greeted at the door is important to me too & that doesn't always happen. Sometimes I start to feel a little hurt, as if I am not as important as he is, but then I remember that I can only control myself & I am changing for him. I do have one thing on my side that Adam doesn't have as well. He has a REALLY loud Jeep. I can hear him coming a few streets away so that allows me to dry my hands, give a quick mix to my food, look in the mirror, etc. We always text each other when we are on our way but this gives me a little extra warning notice.

I don't think that I have missed a single day at the door since I started. To me, there are no excuses why this should be skipped. It takes 30 seconds & makes a much greater impact. I prepare for Adam coming in just like I prepare to make dinner or anything else. If I have to pee, I hold it. I have had to wait a lot longer than 30 seconds before. LOL I was on the phone the other day when Adam got here which has NEVER happened, & I asked my friend to hold on so I could greet Adam. It wasn't perfect, but I still showed him that no matter what I was doing, I was happy to see him & he was important.

I was happy to see several MckLinkys get posted. I did come across a blog or two that mentioned the challenge but didn't post a MckLinky. Be sure to do that. Many of our readers are checking out the listed blogs & they want to hear what is working for you. I throughly enjoyed reading all of your posts. There will be a MckLinky posted for today & each remaining day of this challenge. Enjoy!

Day Two Challenge - REPOST

One of my goals for this blog is to get you all involved & make it interactive. You might say that it can be the largest small group in the world. I am only one person & there are thousands of you. I really need the help of each of you to reach the masses. So now that most of you have completed the day one challenge, please send in a comment about how your husband received you. The more of us that share, the more that we will inspire other wives to make a change in their marriages & families. Please take a moment to do this.

I understand that last night's challenge may have been very easy for some of you & I am proud of you for doing it, even though it may not have felt challenging. However, I want you to keep in mind the husband & wife who are hardly even speaking. The marriage that is completely broken & on it's last leg. For those wives to be able to meet their husbands at the door, that is HUGE. When Adam was still in our home but preparing to move out, meeting him at the door would have felt extremely uncomfortable because I was too worried about how he felt about me and if he even wanted me to do such a kind gesture.

When I spoke to Lisa on the phone that first time, she warned me that what she was about to tell me would feel very unnatural & would go against every fiber of my being. What she told me was that she felt the same exact fear of rejection or feeling uncomfortable when she heard what challenges she had to perform in the book, but it worked for her & for her marriage. Lisa asked me if I could trust her & follow what she was teaching me. Since I had tried every thing else unsuccessfully & because it worked for her marriage, I happily agreed.

I vividly remember the day that I listened to the CD that came with my books. The kids were outside playing & I got on the computer because I couldn't wait until they went to bed. I told you that I am not good with patience, so when I saw that there was a CD & two books, it was easy to choose which one I would use first. LOL I took a notebook & a pen with me so that I could take notes. I remember thinking about how easy these principles seemed to me. Even though Adam was already gone, 3 1/2 hours away, & finished with our relationship, I felt that I had a great shot at turning things around. I was pumped up! I wanted to hear more so I immediately started reading the first book.

I know that you all are very anxious to find out what this book series is & how you can get it. I suppose that I will not keep you in suspense any longer. :) The series is titled, "Motivating Your Man God's Way." It is written by Dr. Emerson & Sarah Eggerichs.

You can visit the main website at Love & Respect to purchase the series. You can find the link on my main page in the Favorite Links section. There are other books on the website that we will be digging into later. The two books & the CD are sold as a set for just $24! I know that money is tight for many of us right now, but I promise you that this will be the best $24 that you will ever spend, especially if you think about how much a marriage counselor or getting a divorce will cost. This series is indisputably priceless. If you are as impatient as I am & you feel that you don't have time on your side, I would also recommend getting the 5 session conference download. It is $40 instead of $50 if you buy each session separately. This is something that you don't have to wait on in the mail. It is accessible immediately. The good news is that the shipment came much faster than I expected. I think I had them in 5-6 days.

I listened to the CD titled, "The Crazy Cycle" on my own first. Once I put the principles into practice & Adam agreed to work on our marriage as well, we listened to it again together. The information got Adam just as pumped up as it did for me. He wanted to hear more right then & there. We jumped in full force & started listening to the downloads. They are each a little over an hour, so we do it together as our quality time. We don't need to watch TV or play Bejeweled every single night. (LOL)

Look at it this way, you went to school for many years and worked very hard at getting an education to become a more intelligent person and for a better financial future. Or, you work very hard every single day at your job to increase your family's financial security, then why can't you spend an hour or two every day or every other day to strengthen the relationship with the one you plan to live with for the rest of your life. That means, after retirement from your job and when you don't need your education to go play BINGO down at the Moose Lodge.

One of the biggest things Adam would say during our separation is that we have a lot of work to do. He would say that he had a lot of work, I had a lot of work & we have a lot of work together as a couple. This made a happy & satisfying life seem so far away. He felt that it was "time" that was important & that you couldn't be "fixed" overnight. Adam's opinion has changed completely. These principles are so basic & so simple to follow that it really doesn't matter if you have been married for one year or for thirty. It doesn't matter how much hurt & pain are buried in your core. You CAN change, he CAN change, & your marriage can be more than you EVER dreamed possible. Can you trust me on this?

Starting tomorrow night, I will get more into the teachings of the book series. Tonight there will be a lesson for you to do on your husband just as there was last night. However, I have a few additional things that I would like you to do for homework.

1. When you are finished reading this post tonight, please click on the comment section & give us your testimony from last night. It may help motivate another wife to accept the challenge & will push another family onto the road of being repaired.

2. Find an accountability partner. We all know someone that could use this information. Give them the best gift that you could ever give them. Call them up or email them, whichever you prefer. Get them involved & agree to do this together. Support each other. As I mentioned earlier, this information goes against everything that you were ever taught. You will need at least one person who will agree to trust with you & keep you motivated. I know that my friends (that weren't following along with the books or the CD) thought I was crazy at times because of the challenges that I accepted in order to fix my marriage while maintaining hope during our separation. They are so thankful now that I stuck with it & I am happier than I have ever been.

3. This 14 day period is not a time for you to get your husband to open up & discuss past issues. We are actually trying to avoid that. You want to show him that you are changing. Remember, he may not be used to your new behavior & he may actually say something negative. You want to avoid confrontation at all cost. I told you this would be unnatural. In addition to the daily lesson, try not complaining to him about anything. If you need to complain, call your accountability partner. She may want to vent too. :)

Lesson #2 - Greet your husband & give him a hug. Let him know again that you missed him or were thinking about him today. Again, this is secondary to what you are really feeling. Just do it. If he says something like, "Wow, two days in a row. Do you want money or something"? Ignore it. He is saying this to you because he is noticing your actions & they feel good to him. What may feel like sarcasm to you is playful bantering to him. After you hug him, leave the room. Don't allow for a conversation about your new behavior. This isn't a game, we are just trying to avoid getting into a discussion of unresolved issues that you are not equipped to handle just yet.

Aimee Freeman


Lindsey said...

My husband is a SAHD, so it was a bit trickier for me to greet him at the door, but instead of walking into the house, and waving a measly hello, I walked over to him on the couch and gave him a hug & Kiss. Then when I talked to him I looked him in the eye, instead of talking to him thru the wall of the kitchen etc. He seemed to be really engaged with it.

belliott said...

I was not able to do the day one challenege last night, but I plan on doing it today. I did however participate in the 14 day challenge the first time and speaking from a husband and wife whose marriage was somewhat on the rocks, it was very awkward for me. I was as nervous as a little school girl. My husband got very inquisitive but I just kept insisting that I just missed him and wanted to meet him at the door. he asked all night long, but I didn't cave and tell the secret! he also made the comment that night that it felt like the old us again and he liked it. That was something I had not heard in a long time, and it was the inspiration I needed to keep going. Having said that I also decided to purchase the series Aimee talks about; "How to Motivate your Man God's way." It has been awesome! I am still working in book two, and I still listen to the CD, lots of time when satan gets a hold of me and I falter. I recommend it to all you ladies! It was a real eye opener for me. I recently purchased the Love and Respect book, but I have not yet started reading it. I feel like with the New Through 30 challenge, I am thankful to get that reading in at night, the other books have kind of been put on hold, but I God's word should come first.

The Bilslands said...

I forgot to do it last night, and I completely neglected my husband because I was busy with something else... ugh.

that's it tonight I am going to start for sure!! (I am going to put a reminder on my phone right now)

I also am going to talk to my sis-n-law about being an accountability partner... I think that will be really helpful!
Thanks Aimee!!


Anonymous said...

I did the best I could with what I had.
His response wasn't exactly what I was hoping for, but, not really unpredictable for that matter, either.
I'm going to change the way I do things tonight, and do this for lunch hour since he gets home so late and I have to get up so early.
I'm also going to purpose to have dinner ready for him when he gets home, and, have actually showered so don't smell like B.O. I've also recently purchased some nicer, ummm.... night clothes. I'm going to make a point to wear something pretty for him at least 3-4 nights a week instead of his sweatpants and a t-shirt :)


thorney said...

I'm starting a day late here--somehow I missed yesterdays.

Greeting him at the door is a given for me.

He doesn't drive a loud car, but the dogs let me know he has turned onto our street (there are only 3 houses on out street.) Lucy, the Rhodesian Ridgeback, is the triple threat dog--sight, sound, smell and she never misses her daddy's car coming round the corner and heading up the hill. The other dogs get going as soon as she lets themn know it's Daddy time.

He is greeted by all 4 of us--me and three dogs. Every day he tells the dogs they have to wait their turn because Mommy comes first. Kiss. Kiss. Kiss. Then we leash up the dogs and go for a walk down at the beach--right at the bottom of our hill.


Wife-in-Training said...

God is so good. I feel blessed to have run across your web site and challenge. I feel so far from "wanting" to do it, but I'm trusting in God that it is the right thing.
God Bless you and your marriage (Num 6:24-26).



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