Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Tonight he WILL notice

Hello Ladies! Thank you all so very much for all of the emails, kind words, & prayers. The love that you all have for my family is amazing. My prayer had several of you asking questions, so I want to set the record straight. Adam & I are trying to get pregnant. I have been extremely tired & yesterday I was feeling a little nauseous. I have had a few other symptoms as well. I am in the impatient, testing early stage right now. Hoping & praying for a positive this week though! I have a few friends that are also trying & we would all be within about a week of each other if we all got pregnant at the same time. How exciting! Please continue to pray for us. 

I hope that I got all of you excited for what we are about to discuss. As I said yesterday, I have been dreading looking forward to this lesson from the beginning. Today we are going to get VERY personal. Fortunately for all of you, you can keep your business private. I am going to share just enough to help you to understand the man's mind without getting too behind the scenes. LOL

We have learned so far that women need love like they need air to breathe & that men need respect like they need air to breathe. However, there is something else that a man needs that is probably just as high on his priority list. Any guesses? S-E-X. Ouch! I actually said it. There are many jokes out in the world about what happens to one's sex life once they get married. The jokes really aren't that funny but we all laugh because we are guilty of making these accusations come true. As if we are trying to cover up our flaws. Or, is it so that nobody will think that the comedian is talking about us? So let me ask you, does your bed look like this......

Be honest. Are you sending a crystal clear message on a much too regular basis that you just aren't interested? If a car needs gas to run, what happens if it doesn't get it? If our body needs food & water, what happens if it doesn't get it? If your husband needs sex, what happens if he doesn't get it? He may stop working. That could mean different things for different marriages. Some men will resort to pornography. Some men will be tempted & go outside of the marriage. Some men will simply shut down, withdraw, & stop working on their marriage. Which for us means, not showing the love that we need,  like we need air to breathe. 

Now, I am not saying that if you withhold sex from your husband & he looks at pornography, has an affair, or shuts down emotionally, that he is justified. He does have control over & is responsible for his own actions. But ask yourself, "are you inviting in unnecessary temptation?" 1 Corinthians 7 says, "The wife's body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband's body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife."

It is true that a woman desires intimacy more than the actual sex itself, in most cases. Whereas, men may lack the need for intimacy & want to skip right to the sex. So, where is the common ground? Not having any sexual relationship does not seem like the most reasonable answer, yet it is usually what happens. Even though men do not have a NEED for intimacy, they still want to be desired. Who doesn't? If his wife is constantly rejecting his sexual needs, he does not feel desired. Since women have a NEED for love, consider this.....what if your husband told you that he would love you only two days a month? He says not to even ask him to love you on other days, because he won't. Plus, he won't even be happy about loving you those two days & he makes it seem like a chore. How would that make you feel? I would be devastated. Isn't that what some of you are doing? Of course, some of you don't mean it this way but that is how he is hearing it. 

On the other hand, some of you may have a very healthy sex life, or what YOU think is a healthy sex life.  However, just because you have sex often, doesn't mean that it is the best that it can be. Are you always engaged or are you thinking about the laundry or the dishes, do you act eager when he suggests making love, do you ever initiate to show him that you desire him, or do you ever go out of your way to make it a special event? (not just his birthday or anniversary) Men may not need the intimacy but they don't want to feel like they are forcing us to have sex with them either. 

Unfortunately in marriage, sex can get very routine. Just like the rest of our lives. It is easy for us to make excuses why this gets put on the back burner. I am sure that you already told yourself all of them while you were reading the last few paragraphs. You know, kids, work, chores, pets, homework, etc. I encourage you to remember what I said though, your husband NEEDS sex like he needs air to breathe. You have to make this a priority in your marriage so that you don't invite temptation in. 

I was thinking the other day about what happens when a spouse cheats. In most cases, if it is the wife, she cheated to feel sexy, because a man said just the right words that she doesn't hear at home, & to feel that intimacy that is lacking with her husband. If a man cheats, it is usually just for the sex. I believe that is why they say, "It didn't mean anything." To them, it really didn't. It was just sex. They were fulfilling their need. So what can we do to prevent the devil from coming into our bedrooms? To keep not only our husband's happy, but to be happy ourselves?

Lesson #13

Initiate sex with your husband. Don't just respond; initiate. We believe that you should have sex on a regular basis. If a husband or a wife is deprived, he or she can be subjected to a satanic attack. Read 1 Corinthians 7:5. When either of you deprives the other, temptation comes. A husband can feel put down for who he is when rejected sexually. 

I will be honest & say that the majority of what I covered tonight is not an issue in my marriage personally. However, tonight's challenge is the one that is the most difficult for me. I will "respond" any day of the week, but I do not initiate. I have no excuse for this. I want you all to know that I am not throwing these challenges out there to make you all uncomfortable & to cause stress in your life. I knew this challenge was coming for 13 days & I am still nervous. Lets make a pact that we will all do this lesson together. Lets make sure that on Thursday, November 19th, 2009, all of our husbands are smiling!

I have learned during this 14 day challenge & over the last few months, that the more you work on these simple principles, the easier, more fun, & more rewarding they become. Even though tonight's lesson will open some of our eyes, make us feel terrible, & break us out in acne, we WILL get through it. If your husband hasn't noticed your last 12 attempts, he WILL notice tonight. He will love it! You will see something in him that you may not have seen in a while.  Be proud that you are doing all that you can to make a difference in your marriage and that you are doing your very best to remove temptation for getting between you both. I am proud of you!

"Lord, please be with each of us tonight as we try one of the most difficult challenges for most of us. Give us the strength & encouragement to complete this lesson. Please bring me joy & happiness to do this for my husband & let that emotion show on my face. Lord, please allow my husband to see all that I am doing for him & for our marriage. Please hold my hand Father. I am scared & nervous. I need you to help me through this. Amen."

Aimee Freeman


TJsMommy said...

hehe i know what you ALL will be doing tonight!!! there'll be a lot of love in the world tonight :) have fun, ladies!!!

Beth said...

I used to be really good at this, prior to having my daughter. Since then with a horribly stretch marked covered, saggy, flabby belly, I don't feel attractive anymore so I have lost that drive. I am embarrassed about my body and I am embarassed to let my husband see.
Any advice?

Aimee Freeman said...

Hey Beth. I am going to add an update to the blog. I meant to cover this originally. Thanks for the reminder.


Heather said...

Congratulations. A lot has happened for you all this year.

Aimee-this challenge is not fair. We all know that baby making sex is the best so you have a jump start on us all. We are talking about #3 next year, so maybe we should start sooner and be due date buddies. This probably won't happen tonight since we have church and don't get home until late and I feel like crap but I will probably be waiting up for him tomorrow night when he gets home from school with a smile on my face.

Becky said...

I'm in!;) Tonight is perfect! My Adam has to work late and I'll be able to get the kids in bed sooner and easier when he's not here---then get myself ready! Thanks Aimee, I wouldn't have done this without your prompting! I probably would have gone to bed early too!

Anonymous said...


I'm right there with you. I will not turn it down anytime, but I won't initiate. We have been married almost 30 years and had our ups and downs, and me not initiating has always been a painful area for my husband. You are right he wants to be desired. I've had 3 c-sections and my body is certainly not anything to look at, but he continues to tell me that he loves me the way I am, that my body is his body and when I talk down about myself it hurts him. This will be a tough assignment for me tonight, but I will do my best to make something happen.

My husband and I are committed to make our marriage work and like I said we are going on 30 years. It's refreshing to see others not give up easily - especially these days in this throw away society.

Thank you for this blog. You are doing good work!


Stacey said...

I over heard someone say today, why is it that when I meet up with my husband at starbucks, and I walk in every man turns to see who came in but my husbands head never flinches.

Lets get back to the basics.....give our husbands something to turn there heads over. Let's not take one for granted.

Thank you for your transparency....enjoying your post, good work.

Novabella said...

I offered and he refused (he was tired) but he did accept a backrub and was still commenting on it this morning! I think the point is to offer oneself freely and go with the flow!

Kelly said...

I'm joining in on the fun, a little late, but I started with this challenge and am moving back to the start to catch up now. This one was hard...we're young, 21 and 22, and have only been married about 18 months, but sex is tough for me. I am so guilty of making my husband feel unwanted, and I really see that Satan is trying to plant that between us and lead us to temptation instead of each other. I initiated last night, in the lingerie I never wear, and he loved it. We had some mechanical troubles along the way, and it wasn't long before I was mad and frustrated with God, but then I stopped to think what I was letting the devil do in that moment, and we managed to redeem the night and be happy with the time together in spite of it all. I'm going to keep trying on this one. Thanks Aimee!

NayLahKnee LahKnee said...

that is my husbands #1 gripe - me being the non-initiator....ok, ok....Thank you so much for your Women's Marriage blog. I am so thankful for women out there who want to support women in their marriage in the name of Jesus. Bless you. My husband and I just finished the Fireproof series at our church...we watched the entire movie 2 weeks ago and I can say, I am in the same place that the wife was in the movie but I trust in the Lord and I know that he can help me to become the wife I need to be and to love my hubby unconditionally. Also, we have been trying for a child for 2 years now, ever since we got dice yet but even if God doesnt bless me with another child - I thank him for the life he has given me in my 8 year old daughter!


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