Monday, November 23, 2009

What Is Your Love Language?

Happy Monday everybody! I hope that you all had a great weekend. We enjoyed some fantastic family time. Allyson & I went out to lunch yesterday after church, while the boys went fishing out on the pier. Pier fishing seems to be the new addiction hobby around our house. It was slightly chilly last night so Allyson & I took some steaming hot chocolate & left over chocolate cake from our small group potluck out to our favorite men. They were excited to see us, but since they were catching so many fish we probably could have left 5 minutes later & they wouldn't have noticed. LOL They came home around dinner time, showered (thank goodness), & we all sat down to watch Up. I would love to give you a review but I fell asleep about 20 minutes into it. Apparently, Ally was the only one who made it all the way through. The poor girl had to wake the three of us up to go to bed. Obviously, we were all really tired. The kids didn't get up to their alarms, & it is rainy here & gloomy here today. Hmmm, should I keep typing or go back to bed???

Ok, ok. I will keep writing. Maybe if I am a good girl I can nap later. Some of you may have noticed that I made a few changes to the blog layout. In the right column I added buttons for you to be able to easily link to my Facebook, Twitter, & StumbleUpon accounts. I also add the RSS feeds button. Clicking to receive RSS feeds will allow new posts to go automatically into your email so that you don't have to be on the internet. It is awesome! I also added an email me button to make sending me a message even easier than before. I want to be as accessible as possible for each & every one of you. Let me know if you have any problems or questions with any of these new features.

This past Saturday night was the last session of our marriage small group for this semester. Adam & I are so disappointed that there will be a break until mid-January. We just got started. The topic was "The Five Love Languages", by Gary Chapman. I have to admit that I wasn't really excited about this going into it. I ordered this book quite a long time ago, but never picked it up to read it. When Adam & I separated, I gave it a shot. I got to page 36 before giving up. I didn't feel that this book was speaking to me like some of the other books that I was reading. If I am being honest, it was pretty boring to me. I didn't feel that it "applied" to me & what was going on in my life. However, Saturday night completely changed my mind. Fortunately, instead of going through 203 pages, it was summed up extremely well in about an hour to an hour & a half. Thanks Paul!

So, what do I think is so great about this? In Love & Respect we talk about how women are pink & men are blue, how we see, think, hear, & say things different. What might be important to me, may be something that Adam couldn't care less about. Well, "The Five Love Languages" also details that same thinking. There are five love languages (in case you didn't catch that already - LOL)

1. Quality Time
2. Words of Affirmation
3. Gifts
4. Acts of Service
5. Physical Touch

It is very unlikely that both you & your spouse have the same love language. Therefore, you both need, value, & want entirely different things. As a wife, I would rather have the Cliffs Notes version of what Adam wants, instead of trying unsuccessfully to figure it out for 30 years. He could tell me that he likes this, this, & this....but what is really the most important thing to him? What could I do for him on a regular basis, without fail, that will show him that he is important to me? Right now, I am doing the things that I would like to have done to me or for me. Not necessarily what he cares about or really leaves an impression with him. We are different. Lets work smarter & not harder. Lets find out what really makes a difference to our husbands & improve those areas first. Are you with me ladies?

How do you find out what love language you are? I am going to tell you! Tomorrow. No, I am just kidding. Ha! In our class we were given a test. However, I found the same test online that is super convenient. Just go to It is a 30 question test, but it will only take you about 5 minutes to complete. If you are like us, you will find that sometimes you want to pick both answers. Pick the one that is the MOST important to you.

At the end of the test you will be told what your love language is. It will also tell you what your secondary love language is. My results couldn't have hit the nail on the head any better. While all five love languages are important to me, the test did a great job of putting them in the order of importance. Even though mine was clear & obvious, Adam learned that is the area that he needs to focus on the most with me, & I need to do the same for him. Having this information has already made a difference.

I wasn't planning on giving a challenge for tonight but now, I just can't help it. This has to be done. You absolutely need to know what your love language is & what your husband's love language is. Otherwise, you will never satisfy them fully, & they will not satisfy you.

Tonight, go to, "The Five Love Languages" test website... Complete the test & have your husband do the same. Write down your answers. Tomorrow we will discuss what each love language means & what we can do to fill our husband's love tanks.

Here is the quote for the day...."If you start an argument, not a discussion, you've already lost. You might shut them up but it's unlikely that they've changed opinions." Godin

"Lord, thank you for providing us with another tool to strengthen our marriages. Thank you for revealing to us another way to understand our husbands & what they need from us as wives. We look forward to doing this challenge & what it will show us. Please give us the encouragement to ask our husbands to complete this test, especially if we feel that they will not show interest. Father, thank you for being by our side & for loving us more than anyone else ever could. We love you Lord! Amen."

Aimee Freeman


Heather said...

My husband and I did this about a year ago in our small group at church. It was funny because as soon as I knew the languages I could tell immediately what I was and what he was. It turned out I was right!

Niecey said...

I love this book. The love languages stuff and learning about the temperament types was fundamental in "fixing" our marriage. It really helped us understand each other and communicate better.

Anonymous said...

Wanted to say thank you for doing this. i am learning a lot about myself and the wife that I need/want to be. Unfortunately my husband is having no part in this. I requested that he do this test but he doesnt' want to:-( Please pray for us! Thank you so much!

Jenn said...


Thank you so much for doing this for me/us. I haven't yet told my husband the mission I am on. Due to my past (primarily childhood) I have a hard time verbalizing feelings and saying things like "Thank you or I respect you, and espeicially Sorry." But, the other day I decided to text him saying I respect everything he does and how much it means to me. This among other gratitudes. He loved it. He sent me a long text back, calling me by my first name...not the pet name he usually uses. That made me feel like I was important to him and that it really made him pay attention.

I just took the love language quiz and mine came out very close with Words of affirmation at 30% and acts of service at 27%. I am now going to send him the link and ask him to take the quiz and see what it comes out as. he is a very phsyical person, so let's see if I am right.

Aimee, thank you again for all of this. I may have a bad day in the lessons, but I have not given up that these will come second nature to me soon.



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