Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Read At Your Own Risk - Powerful Testimony - BONUS POST

Good morning ladies. I have a VERY special treat for you all this morning. This is our first bonus post. I will still be posting a new message later today that will include our normal daily challenge & motivation. Yay!

Yesterday afternoon I received an amazing testimonial from a wife that was ready to give up on her marriage only 8 DAYS AGO. She sent me her story on Tuesday of last week & because it took me a while to get back to her she didn’t even start making changes until Thursday or even Friday. What a transformation her marriage has made in less than a week. Adam & I are so appreciative that she agreed to share her testimony in hopes of helping another marriage. Thank you!

Grab a beverage, sit back & relax, open your heart & mind, & be prepared to be inspired.

Email #1 -

“First I would just like to say what an inspiration your story has been to me. I am in awe of your faith through all that you have been through. I am not sure I could do the same. The marriage ministry you are now providing seems to be an answered prayer for me.
A couple weeks back I read Adam’s post about your marriage, only hours after my husband and I were discussing our remaining options for our marriage, and I felt like his post was the Lord talking to us. Sadly, today we sit in the same spot we were in two weeks ago. No one has moved forward and nothing has changed. This is a little odd to share all my problems with someone I have never met, but at the same time I feel like your ministry is a God send. To be honest, it would be so much easier at this point to walk out and give up. However, we have a beautiful 14 month old daughter, and I want nothing more than to make this work for her and for us.

Currently, I am not sure we even married for the right reasons, and a part of me wonders if I should have went through with the marriage in the first place. The wedding had already been called off once, and we had parted ways several times, the last time being the last chance for me. It was at this point we both started seeing other people and realized life without each other was not what we wanted. This is the point when we rushed in to a marriage (that I had been waiting on for what seemed like years). I was excited but unsure of what the future held for us.

Prior to marriage I was saved, but I was not right with the Lord. My husband was not saved, and our relationship was never built on Christ. My husband and I were raised in two entirely different homes and this has been a recipe for disaster. My husband’s parents have never truly loved him the way a child should be loved. His father has been somewhat abusive throughout his life and to this very day my husband still quests after their love, even if it means choosing them over me. (Major problem # 1)

In the beginning we got along great and never had any major fights other than the usual, money, stress, house hold chores, etc. Over time I have learned to choose my battles. However, things have definitely changed between the two of us. I harbor a lot of anger and resentment for the way things “used to be” and the fact that he always promises to change, but he never does.

But the major issues didn’t arise until our daughter’s birth, which to me should be the happiest time of all. The major problem in our marriage is his mother. She is a pathological liar and she has a very defiant attitude that she is the grandmother and rules don’t apply to her. She and I have never been close, and I doubt we ever will be. She never offered to once help out after my c-section or even bring us dinner, even when my husband asked. She came by all the time, held the baby and allowed no one else to and called constantly demanding to know where we were, why we were there (even when my husband was at work). These problems have progressed over a year, and over time I have grown a huge resentment towards her for the things she does. She tells our daughter when she cries for me that she doesn’t need me, she only needs her; she tells us she will do whatever she wants with our daughter and we can basically like it or lump it.

Our daughter’s first Christmas was ruined because she was screaming her head off for me and she refused to give her to me (I left in tears) and when our daughter finally went to sleep she purposely woke her up. Her first birthday party was ruined because she would not allow anyone else to visit with her. She kept taking her outside away from everyone and when my family tried to tell her bye, his mother would pick her up and take her away on purpose. She showers her with gifts every time she is around (every holiday is like Christmas at their house). If we ask her not to do something she does it anyway. We can tell her we have plans, she shows up anyway. Needless to say there are lots of problems with her and because of that, us.

The problem between us is he doesn’t want to deal with any of these issues, and all they have to do is get on to him for something that has to do with our daughter and he takes it out on me. No matter what his parents do it is okay, because he is still questing for their love. She has since figured out he is still trying and does whatever she can to get on his good side.

If he and I take a day together or as a family she calls every hour. We cannot even have a dinner to ourselves. Saturday was trick or treat and she called him when we were at my mom’s house to see if we were still there and wanted to know why.

I am lost on what to do. This is his mother, and it is obvious things are not going to change and we can’t change her. I cannot continue to stay in this marriage with things the way they are. She is tearing us apart. Nothing is the same between us anymore. Our marriage is dead. The spark is totally gone. He finally admitted it himself a couple weeks ago. He does not like to deal with problems; but finally he at least admitted that. The problem is we don’t know how or if you can get it back. The love is gone, and there is no desire for intimacy. We don’t greet each other at the door anymore and sometimes we go to bed without saying good night. It breaks my heart because we used to have a love so powerful I would run to the door the minute I heard his truck pull up, and we could sit for hours and do nothing but still have the best time.

I am weary of trying and weary of holding on to something I fear we may never get back. How do you get something back that has been gone for so long?

Please be in prayer for us. I just feel so hopeless.

Thank you for this ministry and thank you for sharing your inspiring story.

May God Bless you and your ministry………”

Yesterday’s Email -

“Hey Aimee. First let me just say again I am so thankful for what you are doing with this ministry. Don’t let anyone else tell you otherwise or let anyone discourage you from what you are trying to do.

Friday night was awesome! Before even cooking dinner Friday night I showered, fixed my hair (just the way he likes it), redid my make up and I even painted my toe nails LOL. That is a plus for me with a 14 month old and no one else home. I am surprised my carpet is not a shade of red at the moment, but she did much better than I anticipated. I actually felt really good about the whole evening, but I must admit, I was a nervous wreck! I seriously felt like it was our first date or something.

I prayed several times for strength to meet him at the door. I admire that in your original post for this challenge you mentioned how awkward this is for those of us whose marriage is on the brink of divorce. I could have never imagined how awkward this would be for me, but you were right it was. I prayed about it and will even admit (to you) my whole heart was not in it. There was that stubborn part of me saying “don’t do something for him that he does not do for me”, but I told that voice to be quiet and went forward with the plan. When I heard his truck pulling in the drive way I thought I was going to upchuck. When he opened the door I met him there, gave him a big hug, kiss and told him I missed him. You would have thought I handed him a million dollars or the keys to a brand new truck. I have not seen him smile like that in a very long time. He was very receptive and grinning and giggling all over himself. He noticed my effort to look good and went on and on all night about how good I looked and smelled and he even noticed I wore my hair just like he likes it and painted my toenails.

You were right, however, about the sarcastic comments and questions; he did ask what was up, what was going on, what did I want, etc.

His response has been so inspiring. It gave me just what I needed to keep going. Already I could see a change in him and in us just by this one little gesture. IT WAS AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!

Do you know that he even told me, “This feels like the old us again. I like it.”


Our 4 year anniversary is next week; I feel like this glimmer of hope has been the best anniversary gift of all.”

This came in this morning –

“If I had not started following Kayleigh’s blog, and in turn read Adam’s post and in turn found your ministry I don’t know where we would be right now. I feel 99% sure we would have been divorced down the road because I would have walked out. I felt so hopeless until now. You decided to share your story to help someone, and I feel compelled to do the same.
 All this time I have been blaming him for everything. And to be honest through all this I realized one of my favorite things to preach to him “that marriage is a two way street” was not something I was doing myself. I never realized I was being disobedient to the Lord by not treating my husband the way I was commanded to. Now I realize those instructions, just like everything else in the Bible, are there to teach us how to live. One tiny gesture made the world of difference and for the first time in a long time I have FAITH that this marriage will find its way back to way things used to be and to an even better place. My husband and I have always believed we were stronger people for having gone through what we did prior to getting married, and I whole heartedly believe we will definitely be a stronger couple for having gone through this.

I received my books and CD last night. I was so excited to look at them, but I didn’t get a chance because my hubby was home. He was however VERY CURIOUS about the package and he kept insisting he wanted to see what books I ordered. I tried several times to veer him away from this. He would have never been interested before and I hated not to tell him, but at the same time I didn’t want him to think this was a project. I listened to part of the CD on the way to work this morning. I LOVE it. Everything that was said was SO TRUE, and it has already made a huge difference for me. It has really made me look at my husband in a different way. It has been very encouraging and uplifting. I brought it in with me so I can listen to the rest of it today.

One more thing, I was able to read some comments the other day and I was in shock after reading the post about being a door mat. I can see where this has been misunderstood over time with our society and its beliefs in the modern world; I too had this attitude a long time ago. However, as difficult as it has been, I have realized that I am not following God’s commandment to respect my husband so why should I get love in return? Just like Adam said you have to give to get. And two wrongs never make a right. Even if in the end my husband doesn’t change, I pray for strength to keep being obedient to the Lord. I definitely do not feel like a door mat, and I don’t feel like your challenges and posts are encouraging us to be door mats either.”

Ladies, I mean it from the bottom of my heart when I say that I truly believe that these principles can work for each & every one of you. Please give the Love & Respect series a chance. You have absolutely nothing to lose. Who knows, you could be our next incredible testimonial that with inspire other wives & save numerous marriages. Praise God!

Aimee Freeman


Novabella said...

I feel compelled to answer. I've been reading these posts with interest.

I am probably one of those scary women. I am a feminist. I am a leader. I am deeply spiritual but probably not in a way that you or a lot of your readers would recognize. I suspect our politics and indeed our worlds would seldom collide.

But while we may look at the world and even the Bible differently, I agree with you on two fundamental things regarding your ministry.

I do believe that respect is the key. We North Americans talk about love like it will solve everything. We use the world "love" as if it was medicine, chocolate, alcohol, bread, or religion itself. Love isn't the be all and end all. Respect is very important. I love my husband. I work and earn all the money that comes into this household. He holds down the fort at home. I could not do what I do if he did not do what he does. I love him, and I try to show my gratitude every day. But since I've been reading this blog, I've tried to show not only gratitude but RESPECT for what he does. Evey time I've gone to thank him for something he's done, I've asked myself, how can I convey RESPECT in my thanks? It's made a difference, even in a marriage that works, even in a few short days.

The other thing I fundamentally agree with is that if we want change, we must be the change. It does absolutely no good to say, well if you are doing X, he SHOULD be doing Y. We cannot control the behaviour of anyone else, but we can control our own. So I think your program is right on the money for focusing on our own changes. Just because my husband doesn't react the way I want is no excuse to stoop to bad behaviour myself.

I will keep reading with interest. You are doing good work and it's coming straight from your heart and your beliefs. We could not ask for more.

Melissa G. said...

Thanks for sharing the story! It's so encouraging to read about marriages being changed! Isn't it amazing how something so small (like meeting our husbands at the door) can make such a big difference.
I'm looking forward to reading your next post and seeing what our next challenge is!

Mary said...

WOW! What an inspiration!! Thank you for sharing!

Niecey said...

Thank you for posting this inspiring story.

My husband and I have been through some really tough times. I begged and pleaded and screamed and prayed that he'd change his disruptive behavior. Nothing worked. Then it finally hit me that I couldn't change him, and I needed to change me. It took a few weeks for him to be convinced, but then he eventually trusted in my commitment to this change and he started working on change too. And we are in an amazing place now!

Having said that, there is always room for improvement! I will join in your challenges too and I look forward to our marriage being enriched. DH is attending mens fraternity meetings and growing and becoming a more incredible husband every week. I want to be working on something too. So I'm very thankful for you starting this blog. It's just what I was looking for.

much love

Anonymous said...

Aimee, as you know I'm blogging my journey through your marriage ministry challenge. It's doing wonderful things within our marriage, though I think we are both blessed in that our marriage is quite strong anyway.
I did a post on facebook yesterday and till now I've kept my blog and facebook account quite separate. I posted I was stressed about something and when asked why I directed people to my blog. I honestly thought nothing more of it.
Well, when I opened my facebook account this am it was FLOODED with emails from friends who found my blog. So many of them read my post and then came here to read. They are excited that they too can make changes in their marriage.
Thank you so much.
So, so much xxxx


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