Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Tonight he WILL notice - EXTRA POST

Hey Ladies. I knew that there was something that I was forgetting about when I posted this morning. It is something that a large majority of us are probably worried about too. Self confidence, self esteem, body image, etc. 

Ok, this was HUGE for me. I can't even tell you. I don't think that I am "bad" looking but I certainly don't consider myself "hot". I just don't think like that. I have always had self esteem issues. There isn't a reason for this, I have just been that way all of my life. I don't know anything else. Most of the time I feel like I can look in the mirror & be content with how I look. But, not when I am naked.

I will avoid going to the pool or the beach with friends that are in better shape, I keep clothes on until the last possible second, & I like the lights off. I have never been interested in spontaneous day time sex. I have to say, this can get in the way, & it was getting ridiculous.

I have never had anyone tell me how beautiful I am as often as Adam does. I am lucky enough to hear it at least once a day. Regardless of what I am wearing, makeup or no makeup, sweats or a dress. It doesn't matter. Adam told me the other day that he doesn't really notice whether I have makeup on or not. It has taken me years to believe him & I am not sure why. I could feel that I look 100% like poop & he will think I am as attractive as ever. I have always been worried about what I think I look like & what I feel that it has interfered with being loved even more. Isn't that why we want to look good to begin with.

My body is filled with imperfections. I am flabby, I have more stretch marks than I care to count, sags, bulges, wrinkles, & a HUGE c-section scar. I bet if you asked Adam to describe me, he wouldn't mention any of those things. He hardly even sees them. It is not how I "look" to him. He even went so far as to say that my c-section scar was beautiful because it is where Kayleigh came from.

A few things happened to get me in a place where I started to see things from his perspective. One, I realized that Adam never lies to me. He isn't going to tell me over & over again that I am beautiful just to hear himself talk. He truly believes that I am beautiful. Two, if Adam gains a little weight, has a stretch mark, gets a HUGE pimple, etc. I hardly even notice. If I do, he doesn't gross me out. He doesn't look less attractive to me. So why am I assuming that he thinks I am gross?

While I was in transition we figured out what might make me feel better so we could be spontaneous & not wait until bedtime for "playtime". We often find that if we wait until then we are way too tired & it gets pushed off. We missed an opportunity. First, there is the lights off, of course. Second, I would wear a tshirt, a short night gown, or a teddy. That way you can still be covered & sexy. That worked! I felt MUCH more comfortable.

Sure, I still worry about how many rolls are showing & I try to remain as straight as I can. LOL But, I don't let it prevent us from having sex. I think my husband would rather a junky me, than no me at all. He would rather me, than be tempted by other women or pornography. One of the great perks of being married is that you only have to show your "imperfect" body to one man. You don't have to suffer the dating scene. How awesome is that? Praise God!

I know it isn't easy. I can say that I have been there & still am in many senses. You just have to trust your man & go for it. Just do it! (and let us all know how it went) No details, please. LOL

Aimee Freeman


Elkins5 said...

thank you for this extra post!

Stacey said...

My husband and I were talking yesterday and I was telling him I am in between sizes,from having our second baby. He was so funny and said I've been with 3 women in my life, a small, medium and large one:-) but I've love all 3 of them the same... Meaning....He's loved me pregnant, not pregnant,and everything in between, he loves me (ALL OF ME)

Let your playtime be full of confidence, it will make it tons more fun, relaxing and enjoyable.

Kelly said...

Thank you for this post. My husband and I are not having "problems" but we are in a rut. We don't really argue but we seem more like roommates than a married couple. I am gonna try this and see if it makes a difference. I'm ordering the books tonight!

Lindsay said...

Aimee- I am new to your blog and I just wanted to tell you how encouraging it is to read! I feel like this blog in particular read my mind. As a married Christian woman, I feel the same way when it comes to sex and having the lights turned off. It is very nice to know that someone shares this issue as well. I will continue reading and continue being encouraged!

Anonymous said...

I have been dealing with these body issues since having my first child... 3 and a half years ago. Just about a month ago... something made me realize that its SO SILLY to feel this way all the time. If your husbands are at all like mine... THEY DONT CARE! Why do we care so much? Of course we want to look as good as we can..BUT, if we aren't looking our best, so be it. Life is too short to WAIT to have the PERFECT body... You've only got this one life to live... enjoy your husband, and let him enjoy YOU and all of your imperfections!



Template and Design: By His Design