Friday, November 6, 2009

Don't You Love My Muscles?

Good evening ladies! I know that last night I really laid a lot on you. Some of you may still be emotionally exhausted from the challenges that we were faced with, so tonight I will take it easy on you. From the comments that you have been posting & the emails that I have been getting it sounds like you are all doing a great job! I am so proud of all of you for looking deep into yourselves & accepting that it isn't ALL your husband's fault. That is an excellent step.

Have you ever walked into the bathroom only to find your husband or your son flexing in front of the mirror?

I mean, the guy in the second picture looks like he is going to kiss his bicep! Something tells me that if we could see the photo that was taken next, he did kiss it! Every boy & every man does this. I don't get it & I am sure that most of you don't either.

I haven't caught Brandon doing this yet, he is only 8, but he has started to be concerned about the size of his muscles. I have squeezed his non-existent biceps a few times in the last month. Of course he thinks that they are huge. LOL The first time that he flexed for me, he was so excited. As a loving & supportive mother, I didn't tell him that he had me feeling his shoulder. :) Now don't worry, I am not going to American Idol him & let him sign up for a bodybuilding competition. I will be honest with him when it counts. No need to embarrass the poor little guy.

Now Adam on the other hand is a different story. I am proud to say that I am married to the most gorgeous & eye pleasing man on the planet, but does he really need to see how every muscle looks in the mirror? Yes, he does. It is a man thing that we will never understand. My concern was that Adam was loving his body as much as I was. Adam is the least egotistical person you will ever come across, so I had to ask. I had to put my curiosity to rest.

The topic came up this past week when we were discussing the challenge for tonight. He said that it isn't an egotistical thing. It is the need for feeling strong. That I can wrap my mind around a little better. Now that I know he isn't "in love with himself" maybe I can stop laughing every time I see him do it.

When I was reading the 14 day challenge for the first time, tonight was the night that I personally would have the hardest time with. I was making all kinds of excuses about how uncomfortable this would be to most of us & ways to modify it to help ME. I needed to remember that this isn't about me. This is about making my man feel like a man, a protector. Making him feel as though I desire his body or have "noticed" him in a way that I did before we married. I am EXTREMELY attracted to my husband & this is a challenge. Not because I don't feel it or want to do it. Just because it feels funny to me. Hmm, I am thinking that just sounded disrespectful. This is important to him, so I will do it. Do I have you scared to death right now?

Lesson #5 - Squeeze his muscle & tell him he is strong. (stop laughing, I can hear you) Do not make a big deal about it. Just do it quickly & in passing. Remember, you are not a man & you won't get this. Commenting on his strength is commenting on his manhood. Maybe he has been working out & you can tell him that you are noticing his changes while you squeeze his muscles. If that isn't an option, maybe you could just tell him that you want to feel his strong muscles to see what they feel like. Then you could compliment him. Adam even suggested that you simply ask to see his hands. Tell him that you never realized how strong his hands looked. He says this is something that would mean a lot to him. (Plus it might feel more comfortable for you.) Don't forget, I am doing these challenges too. However, I am at a disadvantage because Adam knows what each day calls for. I have to be extra sly & sincere so he knows that it isn't just a task. See, you guys have it easy. Don't make excuses, just do it!

Maybe thinking about it this way will help you a bit. When we get dressed up or our daughters get dressed up we want our husbands to acknowledge how pretty we are. That is because we have a feminine need. Most of our husbands could throw on wrinkled clothes from the floor that smell & have dog hair on them. They won't care. Just as long as their muscles look good! LOL
So go ahead, squeeze it. I bet he will flex.

"Lord, thank you so much for giving me the opportunity to show my husband how much he means to me. He is our families protector & I appreciate & respect him so much for that. Lord, please help me through tonight's challenge. It feels odd & unnatural to me but I know that it is important to my husband. Please help me complete this task with sincerity & without laughing. I know that will only cause more harm than good. Amen."



Melissa G. said...

Fun! I'm looking forward to hearing everyone's response to this one! =)

Coach's Wife said...

I'm a little off, since I said earlier it's football season and our schedules are a little crazy now. Last night I cooked a nice dinner for the fam and we all sat at the table together. We usually are in the living room in front of the tv. It was hectic because Kennedy wouldn't stay seated, but we were actually able to talk as a family. Greg also complimented me and a couple specific things about the dinner instead of just saying "thanks it was good". He helped me bathe the girls and after they were in bed, we discussed what to get Kennedy for her bday. Seems irrelevant, but we were just so comfortable we barely spoke in the evenings at all. We were like roommates for the most part, and that has already improved! :). I haven't seen Greg yet tonight since he had a game, but I can say something to attest to this. Greg was a college football player and in amazing shape. He kept that up almost religiously until we got together. It was just one of those things, his life got alot busier with a wife and daughter all of a sudden, then a baby came along. So he wasn't working out as much. Don't get me wrong, I'm still incredibly attracted to him and I love him in spite of a chubbier tummy! He's a broad shouldered man anyway...remember college ball? He will make comments as he looks in the mirror about being fat or needing to lift or whatever. I will go up and wrap my arms around his waist and tell him I think he's sexy or something like that. He grins, says "babe" and goes on. I can tell he likes that. I have a hard time not taking it personal because I have recently lost 15 pounds and am almost where I was when we met. Yet Greg doesn't seem to notice. I've been the one to mention it and by then it's like I'm fishin for a compliment I know most men are oblivious but it hurts. I want the husband that talks to his friends about how hot his wife is. He's not like that though. Okay so I seriously have rambled and gotten way off track :).

Is it hard for you to wait for compliments or attention without getting upset? What is the best way to try to communicate my feelings, wants, or needs without pushing him away? We are still struggling with that. Our main problem where everything seems to stem from is his mother. He seems to want to avoid hurting her feelings at all costs while not caring about my pain. It's causing problems in our marriage and our parenting. Any advice would be welcome, especially since your family dynamics are similar to mine. My email is Thanks Aimee!

MommyIvy said...

I do this to my hubby all the time. I would have to say that, even though he acts like it's not anything, I know he likes it.

The Bilslands said...

This is a great one. I do have to admit I poke fun at my husband a little too much, with not enough compliments. I am really going to work on that!

I do make it a point to ask him to help me if there is something high on a shelf that I can't reach... I can tell he gets a boost from it =)

TJsMommy said...

HAHA! My husband totally flexed!!! It was hard not to laugh, but I did it 3 times throughout the day and he definetely liked it ;) Looking forward to the next challenge!!!

Ashley Baker said...

Thank you! Thank you!

Jennifer said...

I just went back to see what other people responded to this one and mine isn't there...............hmmmm, I must figure this out!

Anonymous said...

Yes, this is hard to do.. because he compliments his own muscles.. lol But, I will do it.. ;P

Anonymous said...

Love this blog, I started following Kayleigh's story about a year ago and found your marraige blog through this. I have been married about 3 years and have 2 children. I think that my marraige is in good shape, but like some of the other comments, it can never hurt to improve! Anyway alot of what you have written, really hits home - especially wanting to talk out minor issues, even to the point of chasing my husband around the house:) I know we are supposed to keep this a secret but while I was reading your blog last night, my husband asked what I was looking at so I told him. He immediately asked "is anything wrong in our marraige???" and I said no, I am just trying ot make sure it stays good. So I was showing him some of your posts mainly the one about respect and also how we as women want to talk through our problems daily...he said you hit the nail on the head!!! Respect is the most important thing to him (besides God and Family) also he agreed that a lot of times when he doesn't want to tlak about a problem, he just doesn't want to make it worse by saying somehting that would hurt my feelings. I am looking forward to your future posts and thanks again for this inspiring blog!!!

Running in the Delta said...

I love this one! I have heard this called 'the pickle jar effect' before. Even if you know you can probably get that pickle jar open yourself, ask him to do it so he knows he's strong(er) and needed.
I did this last night and of course he flexed and said, "You like that, huh?" So funny.

joyful02 said...

I squeezed my husband's muscles. He didn't seem to notice, but it's okay....


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