Halfway There - Day Seven - Repost

Welcome ladies! How exciting that today is the halfway point of the 14 day challenge. I can't believe that it is going by so fast. I know that yesterday was pretty heavy stuff, from the emails & comments that I have been reading, you all are digging pretty deep into yourselves. I am so proud of all of you for taking this journey with me & being honest with yourself.

Last week, we went to church we heard a great message. Well, there is a great message every Sunday at church, which is why I always have a ton of notes. Can you believe that I am a note taker? Ha! I am. Anyway, I was trying to tell Adam about something that really stood out to me but I couldn't seem to put it into words. Then today, Pastor Daryl posts it on his blog, a whole 8 days later. Plus, I got a Twitter text from someone that doesn't know me personally telling me to check out Pastor Daryl's blog. (I had never visited there before) I think God wanted me to share this message.

With all credit going to Pastor Daryl who I believe "borrowed" the message from Larry Brey at our old home church - Elevation, here is his post....

The Perception Principle is this: How you perceive someone is how you receive them.


This principle is huge. Take for instance Jesus in His own hometown in Mark Chapter 6. The Son of God comes home and instead of them receiving him as who he was they received him as a common man (just a carpenter) and because of their perception of him, they missed out on a receiving what he had for them.

The awesome thing about principles is that they are usually universal. I believe that the Perception Principle is HUGE in our lives. If we perceive our spouses as nags guess how we receive them? If we perceive teenagers as worrisome trouble makers guess how we receive them. If you perceive your team as lazy or incompetent guess how you receive them?

And how you receive people is how you speak to them. If you perceive negative aspects, that’s all you speak to. However if you choose to perceive people based off of their potential and based off of God’s Word, then you speak to them in that light, you encourage, you coach, you believe the best!

Choose to perceive others through God’s eyes and not your own and see what happens!! I believe in you!!

Wow! I can immediately see how not living the Perception Principle has negatively affected my marriage in the past. Not only in my marriage, but also in my children's lives, my relationship with bosses or co-workers, other family members, friends, etc. The list goes on & on. You have made a decision in your mind that is negative, so you have lost from the beginning. That person could bring a great blessing in your life but you will be unable to truly receive it.

Some of you are really struggling with this. Even after yesterday's post I have received countless emails about women being worried about being a doormat, being submissive, or not being equal to your husband. You have already decided that this 14 day challenge WON'T work for you because you aren't going to let it. You have already lost so why should you even start?

Let me ask you this...do you really want to be equals? I mean, to the full extent. If your car breaks down, can you fix it? If you need handyman things done around the house, can you do them? If a burglar breaks into your home, are you going to investigate it or are you going to grab your husband? (I am not suggesting that women CAN'T do these things. I am only suggesting that this is usually when the double standard comes in.) God commands our husbands to be protectors & the leaders in our home. We need to allow him to fulfill his role & we need to fulfill ours. This doesn't make us submissive or less of a person. It makes us obedient. Lisa Shea sent this to me this afternoon & I want to share it with you. At first I was disappointed that I didn't get it before I posted yesterday's post, but now I see that I would need to reiterate my message. "Being a respectful wife won’t make you a doormat. It makes you a welcome mat to the power & the presence of God!!"

Really think about what being "equal" means to you. If you are not careful, you just may find out what equally divorced, equitable distribution, or equal custody means. I know that isn't what you want or you wouldn't be reading this blog in the first place. Let us help you help your marriage!

Lesson #7

Leave a note for your husband that says, "Thank you for wanting to work hard for our family. Your desire & commitment makes me feel secure". Words are healing. Proverbs 16:24 says, "Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones."

Hang in there. You are halfway through! Keep an open heart toward God. Let God act on your behalf in response to these plans. Proverbs 16:9 says, "The mind of a man plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps".

"Lord, thank you so much for giving us the strength to make it half way through this 14 day challenge. We could not take this journey without your help. Lord, please help us to have faith in this process. Please give us a sign from our husbands that our efforts are working. You might have to speak loud & clear to us for us to hear what you are saying to us. Please don't give up on us, Lord. We want our marriages to work, & we have taken the first step by accepting this 14 day challenge. Thank you Lord for holding us close when we feel as though we have nobody else on our side. Amen."

Simply Selfless - Day Six - Repost

Remember ladies, post your MckLinky everyday so that everyone could find your website easily.

Day Six - Repost

When this 14 day challenge first started, I am sure that many of you felt like the lessons were "tasks". I am hoping that as we go along, you will feel a change in yourself, & in your husband that will allow the lessons to feel fun & rewarding instead of a job. That is what has happened to me.

Meeting Adam at the door has become one of the most exciting things that happens during the day. I have taken this challenge very seriously. I feel that it is not only important to my marriage, but I need to give it my all for all of you as well. I want to show you things that actually work & will make a difference. I make sure that if it is almost time for Adam to come home, that I am listening out for him. If I can help it, I won't be in the middle of something when he gets here. A bathroom trip can wait, that extra few dishes in the dishwasher can wait, & checking Facebook one last time can wait. Adam is the most important person/thing & he needs to come first. I came home the other day after helping to set up for the March of Dimes fundraiser & everyone else was home. Allyson met me at the door, Adam was working on his computer, & Brandon was playing Playstation. The boys didn't get up to greet me. Adam caught himself & has since apologized, which I thought was an awesome improvement. I saw firsthand what a difference it makes to be greeted. I felt as if the boys could have cared less if I were here or not. I didn't feel "missed", & that was upsetting. Doesn't everyone like to feel wanted, needed, & missed? Well, so do our husbands.

With that being said, I want to address an issue that has been emailed to me or posted a few times in the comments section. I want to be very clear about why I am personally doing the 14 day challenge. I am doing this along with all of you because I should have been doing these lessons all along. The Bible commands us to be respectful to our husbands, & I was not. I am doing this to be a better wife, a better friend, a better lover, a better mother, & to obey God. Someone posted & said that they hope I didn't feel so desperate that I am killing myself to do nice things for Adam. They suggested that I might be feeling as though another man wouldn't want me because I have two kids from another man. They suggested that I am only doing these lessons to "keep him". To this I say, you are right! I am doing all of this to keep him. But, not because I am some big loser that should be ashamed of my behavior or because I have low self esteem. I am doing this because I want to keep my husband, the man that God chose for me, the man that I should have been treating this way from the beginning, the man who admitted to the world (not just me) that he made a mistake, a man who treats me with love (which he has also shared with the world), & a man who feels that working to make our marriage the very best that it can be is important. So, while I appreciate your concern for me, & you feel as though you are looking out for me, I think that you are the one that is losing out. The changes that we have made in ourselves & in our marriage have brought us to a level of intimacy that many couples dream of. I feel extremely lucky & blessed to be Mrs. Adam Freeman. I wouldn't want to be anyone else. For that, I WILL kill myself to make this man happy & feel respected. But in turn, he is doing the same for me. Praise God!

My hope is that those of you that have posted about being worried about being submissive to your husbands will give this a chance. If you feel that you are being less of a woman or you feel like this change is unfair, give this a chance. If you feel like you are being a door mat or you feel that acting with love & respect is teaching your husband that the unloving behavior is okay, give this a chance. I would be happy to speak with those of you that feel this way, one on one. Just please email me. Aimee@TeamFreemanProperties.com. I am willing to put my time into your marriage. Your marriage is important to both Adam & I so please, let your marriage be that important to you. If your husband is willing to speak with Adam, Adam will take his time to speak with him. Adam@TeamFreemanProperties.com We can't tell you how much helping you means to us. Do this challenge with an open mind, & an open heart. Do it for yourself, do it for your kids, do it for your husband, do it for your extended family, for the kid's cousins, & do it because God commands you to do it. If that doesn't motivate you, do it as practice for your next marriage. Seriously. I am not saying that I will ever agree with you getting divorced but, if you aren't respecting now, you won't respect your next husband either. You will just find yourself in the same place again but with even more baggage for your 2nd, 3rd, 4th, or 5th husband. How deep does the pain have to go to make a change? For now, don't worry about what your husband is doing. Worry about what YOU are doing to improve YOUR marriage & YOUR family.

If I asked you what your most important asset was, most of us would say our home or our cars. Right? Because these items are so important to us, we are constantly doing what we need to do to maintain them. We don't want our air conditioner to go out in the middle of summer, or our heat to go out in January. We don't want to get bugs in the house so we clean up, take out the trash, & do the dishes. We mow the lawn in the summer time once a week because it will look terrible & we will get a letter from the homeowners association. We don't want our cars to break down in the middle of the freeway at rush hour with a car full of kids, do we? To prevent this from happening we get the oil changed, & get our cars serviced every so many miles. If anything went wrong with any of the items that I mentioned, who would you call first? Hmm, I think that I just heard all of your say, "my husband". I agree. That is exactly what I would do.

What are you doing to "maintain" your marriage? Is it on auto-pilot? Do you feel that nothing is ever going to break down & you don't have to get a checkup every so many miles? Why is your husband the first person that you call when there is a "problem" but you aren't taking care of him the way that you need to be to prevent a marital breakdown in the first place? Your house & your car are NOT your most important assets. Your husband is. The Bible says that God is to be the most important to you, then your husband, then your children, & then your job. I encourage you to think about this long & hard today. Are you living this way? Are you going to face a break down that is going to total your relationship, creating damage that can never be repaired?

Ladies, I know how this feels. Not so long ago I was one of the most stubborn people you could meet. I could do no wrong, & nothing was my fault. I didn't want to look at myself this way or go to a counselor because they would see how I was destroying my life & my family's life. I could manipulate Adam but I would not be able to get past a "professional". Where did that get me? Where did "my way" or what I thought was right lead me to? Nearly to a second divorce by age 35. I was approaching a Jerry Springer episode, & fast. I am begging you, please, please give up on "your way" of thinking. Try these principles. If I can do it, be happy about it, not feel submissive, or like a door mat......you can too. I promise.

Lesson #6


Think of something that your husband would enjoy doing this evening. Say, "I'd like to watch the football game with you, when is it on"? Or, "I know that you have been talking about cleaning out the garage, I'd like to help". Whatever it is that he would like to do that you may not normally be interested in. If he declines, that is fine. You sent a positive message. If he says ok & the game comes on at 8pm, be there & excited. Maybe even go the extra mile. If he loves the Carolina Panthers, put on some black & blue. Get into it & make it fun!


If while you are spending this time together he says, "You have really changed. What has gotten into you"? Just say, "Thank you. Tell me again about the quarterback. Didn't he just have a run in with the law recently"? Then change the subject. Pull him out on some topic related to the activity. Please do not enter into any relationship discussions or talk about any arguments or negative feelings that you are having. We want you to learn that you can energize your husband simply by being with him.

I know that this is a really long post, but I want to give you two examples of this before I go. One I realized a few months ago & one was just the other day since applying these lessons. Adam has always been fantastic about doing what I like but I haven't always done the same for him. I LOVE the 80's! I mean, I really LOVE the 80s. LOL The music, the B rated movies, everything. Well, they didn't have DVDs back then so when one of my favorites come out, I like to rent it. I know that most of them are terrible & the acting is not so great, but hey, I grew up on these movies. Adam always agrees to watch them & he is genuinely excited. He tells me that he liked the movie when it was over & he always comes back for more. (even though I know he can't possibly like all of them) He enjoys watching those movies for one reason only, because I enjoy them. Now me on the other hand, I am extremely guilty of not offering up the same enthusiasm. I realized this during our separation. Adam would email me videos of tornados, shark attacks, etc. I would literally feel "bothered" if he stopped me from what I was doing for something not important. Well, it was important to him. I would kick & scream if he wanted to watch a movie that I didn't want to watch. You know a man's movie. Like Jaws or the most recent one.....The Last Dragon. I witnessed the joy in Adam's eyes (& his brother's) when they came across the DVD. It is also a B rated, 80's movie. I did start to show that I was not interested in watching this movie as well, but fortunately I caught on to my negative behavior & we enjoyed it together last Sunday afternoon. It wasn't as bad as I built it up in my head & I actually got into it. Since then we have made several referrences to the movie. LOL

My second example was one that I just realized last week because of my application to the lessons of Love & Respect. Men are okay with what is referred to as shoulder to shoulder contact. Whereas, we prefer face to face contact. What does this mean? Well, a man is happy just to have us in the house, in the room, or sitting next to him on the couch. For us to feel as though we are getting quality attention, we feel that we need to be "talking". Of course! When Kayleigh was in the hospital, Adam & I would take turns on who's day it was to hold her. I would HATE when it wasn't my day. I loved holding her so much. We would talk, rock, read, or just look at each other. Many times when it was Adam's day, he would close his eyes & fall asleep while she was in his arms. (I would stay awake to be sure that he didn't drop her. LOL) I would get so irritated with him. I felt like he was "wasting" his time with her. He would always tell me that he was fine just having her in his arms. I didn't get it & I never will. I am not wired to have those feelings. He was fine being shoulder to shoulder & just being together. It was when I realized this that I really became bought in to tonight's lesson. Adam completely agreed when I reminded him of his feelings around that time. He has become more aware of what face to face attention means to me as a woman. Just last night I was feeling very unsatisfied. I couldn't lay a finger on what was wrong. He has been really busy this week & so have I with this new blog. We haven't spent much time together, even though we have been in the house at least 5 hours a day, awake. I told him that I think that I am just craving some face to face & he knew exactly how to respond. It is indecribable how communicating this way & understanding each other makes our marriage so much easier!

I bet that your husband could go fishing for 12 hours & hardly speak to their friends at all. Adam could go on his annual guy's trip for an entire weekend without gaining any "new" information. I could say, "How is Mike's job." Or, "How is Julie's pregnancy coming along?" Chances are, Adam couldn't answer. Men don't NEED that kind of relationship. They just enjoy being together, doing what guy's like to do. Could any of us go fishing for 12 hours & stay quiet? I didn't think so. Honestly, I know so. When we go fishing together, my spirit will change if there is too long of a period where Adam doesn't check in with me. I NEED that. Especially if he wants me to keep going fishing with him!

"Lord, thank you so much for giving us some extra time to spend with our families this weekend. I pray that everyone enjoyed themselves. Please give us the courage to complete tonight's lesson. I pray that our efforts are noticed by our husbands & we bring joy into their evening. Lord, please allow us to complete this lesson with an open mind in hopes that we will truly enjoy the very thing that our husband enjoys. Amen."

Don't You Love My Muscles? Repost

Day Five - Repost

Good evening ladies! I know that last night I really laid a lot on you. Some of you may still be emotionally exhausted from the challenges that we were faced with, so tonight I will take it easy on you. From the comments that you have been posting & the emails that I have been getting it sounds like you are all doing a great job! I am so proud of all of you for looking deep into yourselves & accepting that it isn't ALL your husband's fault. That is an excellent step.

Have you ever walked into the bathroom only to find your husband or your son flexing in front of the mirror?





I mean, the guy in the second picture looks like he is going to kiss his bicep! Something tells me that if we could see the photo that was taken next, he did kiss it! Every boy & every man does this. I don't get it & I am sure that most of you don't either.

I haven't caught Brandon doing this yet, he is only 8, but he has started to be concerned about the size of his muscles. I have squeezed his non-existent biceps a few times in the last month. Of course he thinks that they are huge. LOL The first time that he flexed for me, he was so excited. As a loving & supportive mother, I didn't tell him that he had me feeling his shoulder. :) Now don't worry, I am not going to American Idol him & let him sign up for a bodybuilding competition. I will be honest with him when it counts. No need to embarrass the poor little guy.

Now Adam on the other hand is a different story. I am proud to say that I am married to the most gorgeous & eye pleasing man on the planet, but does he really need to see how every muscle looks in the mirror? Yes, he does. It is a man thing that we will never understand. My concern was that Adam was loving his body as much as I was. Adam is the least egotistical person you will ever come across, so I had to ask. I had to put my curiosity to rest.

The topic came up this past week when we were discussing the challenge for tonight. He said that it isn't an egotistical thing. It is the need for feeling strong. That I can wrap my mind around a little better. Now that I know he isn't "in love with himself" maybe I can stop laughing every time I see him do it.

When I was reading the 14 day challenge for the first time, tonight was the night that I personally would have the hardest time with. I was making all kinds of excuses about how uncomfortable this would be to most of us & ways to modify it to help ME. I needed to remember that this isn't about me. This is about making my man feel like a man, a protector. Making him feel as though I desire his body or have "noticed" him in a way that I did before we married. I am EXTREMELY attracted to my husband & this is a challenge. Not because I don't feel it or want to do it. Just because it feels funny to me. Hmm, I am thinking that just sounded disrespectful. This is important to him, so I will do it. Do I have you scared to death right now?

Lesson #5 - Squeeze his muscle & tell him he is strong. (stop laughing, I can hear you) Do not make a big deal about it. Just do it quickly & in passing. Remember, you are not a man & you won't get this. Commenting on his strength is commenting on his manhood. Maybe he has been working out & you can tell him that you are noticing his changes while you squeeze his muscles. If that isn't an option, maybe you could just tell him that you want to feel his strong muscles to see what they feel like. Then you could compliment him. Adam even suggested that you simply ask to see his hands. Tell him that you never realized how strong his hands looked. He says this is something that would mean a lot to him. (Plus it might feel more comfortable for you.) Don't forget, I am doing these challenges too. However, I am at a disadvantage because Adam knows what each day calls for. I have to be extra sly & sincere so he knows that it isn't just a task. See, you guys have it easy. Don't make excuses, just do it!

Maybe thinking about it this way will help you a bit. When we get dressed up or our daughters get dressed up we want our husbands to acknowledge how pretty we are. That is because we have a feminine need. Most of our husbands could throw on wrinkled clothes from the floor that smell & have dog hair on them. They won't care. Just as long as their muscles look good! LOL
So go ahead, squeeze it. I bet he will flex.

"Lord, thank you so much for giving me the opportunity to show my husband how much he means to me. He is our families protector & I appreciate & respect him so much for that. Lord, please help me through tonight's challenge. It feels odd & unnatural to me but I know that it is important to my husband. Please help me complete this task with sincerity & without laughing. I know that will only cause more harm than good. Amen."

Do Your Words Speak Love & Respect? - REPOST

I hope that everyone enjoyed their weekend with their family & all of your dinners turned out AMAZING!

Day Four - REPOST

I forgot to mention the other night when I was posting about the Love & Respect series that you can watch video testimonials of other couples online. My mentor, Lisa Shea's testimony is posted there. Check them out. I love hearing the stories of other couples that turned their marriages around. Many of them seemed hopeless & they were able to revive them. Here is the link again but you can always find it on my sidebar. http://www.loveandrespect.com/.

I was listening to my Crazy Cycle CD again this morning & Dr. Eggerichs asks a few questions that I would like for you all to think about. Do you feel like your husband has a good heart? Do you feel that your husband is good willed? If you have children, would you trust your children to be in your husband's care if you passed away? If you answered yes to these questions, I challenge you to think again about why you may be considering divorce. Could it just be because you have become bitter, lost your way, or have closed off your own heart? If you really believe that your husband is a good willed man & is good to your children, don't you want to fight to hang on to him? Something to think about it.

I know that last night I dropped this respect bomb on you. Some of you might be thinking that you are a strong independent woman, you don't want to be submissive to your husband or that by respecting him, you are not considered "equal". I think that a few months ago I would have probably felt some of those same things. I have always been strong willed & a leader. However, I realize now that what I was doing was disobedient to God. I can be a leader at my job, but not in my home. That is Adam's job & that is what God called him to do. By interfering with that plan & not allowing Adam to do his Godly duty, I am also disrespecting him. This does not mean that I am less of a person or woman for obeying. I am simply being the part of the TEAM that I am supposed to be.

When you speak to your husband or about your husband in public, around your friends, family, or co-workers, do you speak about him in the highest regard? Do you go out of your way to uplift him? Do others think more highly of your husband than you do? When you speak of your husband, can others feel the love & respect that you have for him?


I have been extremely guilty of this in the past. However, it was never intentional. What I thought was innocent picking on him came across terribly disrespectful to him. The worst part is, due to the fact that he is wired the way that he is & because he knows that I would probably wrongfully attack him for bringing to my attention the innocent complaining, he just kept bottling it up. His wounds were getting deeper & deeper & I didn't even realize what I was doing was causing so much trouble.

It is sad to say & embarrassing to admit, but I allowed others to honor my husband considerably more than I did. Adam is the sweetest, most sincere, loving, honest, helpful, & encouraging man that I have ever known, but he wasn't hearing that from me. Most of you reading Kayleigh's blog gave my husband more praise than I did. That is ridiculous! What was I thinking? Was I just taking him for granted? Did I harbor so much frustration, anger, pain, or even resentment that I was blind to his wonderful qualities? Ladies, are you doing this in your marriage? As painful as it is, please be honest with yourself. I am not one to admit that I am wrong & I honestly think it took Adam leaving me for me to see what I was doing. You need to correct this issue before it happens to you.

I haven't mentioned this before & I don't mean to be egotistical, but I have a God given talent to be a great salesperson. Unfortunately, I was using this precious gift to manipulate & get my way. I don't believe that I knew that I was doing this, which I guess is the good news. I thought that I was just "sticking up" for my opinions or trying to prove a point. What I was doing was teaching Adam that he would never win with me. I was damaging his manhood & making him feel less in our home. I unfortunately was letting him know loud & clear that he was NOT our leader. What kind of damage are you causing?

One of the biggest eye openers from me was how I was treating Adam in relation to Brandon & Allyson. We would discuss this issue from time to time, but like everything else, Adam would drop it to do the honorable thing & avoid confrontation. I am not one of those mothers who thinks that the children do no wrong, but I have to say that my kids are pretty awesome. Brandon is a wonderful mix of handsome, sweet, hilarious, & loving. Allyson is gorgeous, (did you notice that she looks like me - LOL) motherly, intelligent, & sensitive. They very rarely get into any trouble. However, when they do get in trouble, it is usually Adam bringing it to their attention. He will admit that he gets frustrated a little quicker than I do. When he does, it bothers me to no end. I feel that it always happens at the worst times. If I slaved and sweated buckets over a nice family dinner, something happens for Adam to scold the kids while we trying to have special family time by us all eating together. If we are having a rare day out at the park or zoo, something will happen and Adam would punish them. I don't intend to sweep the kids disobedience under the rug. I just want to maintain a family unity where we all get along & have a good time. Between school, work, personal activities, & the kids spending half of the week with their dad, we don't get that much time together. I don't want to spend it arguing. I have been known more times than not to question Adam about his discipline & often this is done in front of Brandon & Allyson. I realized that this is NOT the way that this should be handled. If I am being honest, this is my biggest struggle of all & I am a work in progress. I "mean" no disrespect because I simply want to "protect" everyone's feelings, but what I am doing is showing a huge amount of disrespect. What I am really doing is showing Adam that the kid's feeling are more important. Is it a shock that he didn't feel as though he was a good leader? I didn't let him!

Ladies, I know that I am not alone here. I am sure that some of you are feeling absolutely ashamed of yourself right now because you are realizing what you have been doing too. I understand. I feel like I just drug myself through the mud typing this. However, I know in my heart that I am good willed & never intentionally did any of this. That counts for something. I am so blessed that God showed me the error of my ways before it was too late. Can you imagine realizing your faults after the divorce, after you break your children's hearts, & after your husband has remarried? I personally would be devastated.

When I married Adam, I knew that he was my soul mate. He was the person that God chose for me & I couldn't have been happier. Hang on to that. Some of you feel as if you never loved your husbands from the start and you probably never thought you should have gotten married in the first place. Honestly and with complete respect to all of you who feel this way, you have convinced yourself of these lies! The longer the problems have been going on, the further away from the real truth you feel. Check this out...in three short months, Adam convinced himself that we should have never gotten married and that he loved me for all the wrong reasons. He will mark my words and tell you that he convinced himself of lies because it was easier for him. I am sure a psychologist would back me up on this, but you have trained your subconscious mind to believe these lies you have told yourself day in and day out for such a long time. These lies started when you were angry at your husband and you started to think negative thoughts. Just like any negative habit, it festers and grows worse and worse until it is either recognized and fixed, or it ruins a lot more than you could have imagine. The sad thing is, most people realize this issue after the damage has been done. I hope this hits home and you recognize this problem right now and fix it. They say that people change & people grow apart. but I believe that people make changes. They move apart because of how they are treated. That can be repaired. Don't let a divorce happen in your life & have to settle for second best. You have your God chosen partner with you right now, today. Don't lose him.

Lesson #4 - When your husband is around, say something honorable about him in front of your children or his peers. Perhaps say, "When it comes to math, few are as smart as your dad. Why don't you ask him to help you with that question." Or, "Your dad works every day so that we can live in this home. He is a very hard worker." Or, "Do you know what I admired about your dad when we first met? It was....."


This kind of thing is not hard for us women. We are only talking about a few sentences. God has gifted us to communicate. If you are thinking that you can't do this, you are lying to yourself. The truth is that you don't WANT to say something honorable to a man that you don't feel is as nice as he should be to you. You are locked into the idea that he must earn your respect. I know that you might be upset with him & that he should also be honoring you. Remember, the most mature one moves first. The more respect you give, the more opportnity he has to (in return) show love. A mature wife looks beyond her husband & speaks these words because the Lord wants us to.
1 Peter 3:9 says, "not returning.....insult for insult, but give a blessing instead."
You can give a verbal blessing. No sweat!


"Lord, thank you so much for getting me through the first three days of this challenge. I am looking forward to the changes that I can make in myself & in my marriage. Please open my heart & my mind to do these challenges to the fullest & without resistance. Lord, please don't let any negative feelings that I may have about my husband come through in my expressions or demeanor. Please continue to hold my hand & guide me through this forest. I can't find my way without you. Lord, I ask that you give me the perfect, honoring compliment to say to my husband tonight. I want to leave an impression on his heart that he will never forget. I want to be the wife that my husband is proud of. Please make me a better wife & let it be for my husband. Amen."

The Way To A Man's Heart Is Through His Stomach - Day Three

I am so excited to see that some of you have started blogs just to follow your new journey! Praise God! I am so proud of you all for wanting to become better wives, not just for your husbands, but for the Lord as well. I have read all of the blogs from the Mcklinky each day. Seeing God working in your marriages drives me to keep writing & to be better in my marriage as well. Thank you all for taking this journey with me once again.

I do want to mention that you each need to post your link to your blog every single day on the MckLinky. That way, readers don't have to scroll back through previous days to see who has links & who is keeping up. Hopefully by the end of the 14 days we will have a HUGE list to follow along with.

I hope that you all had much success with day two & I can't wait to read about all of your stories. I am super excited about tonight's challenge. It has been a long week & it is the end of the month. Adam worked his tail off & he is pooped. Completing tonight's challenge will be my pleasure.

We have a bunch of new readers & I haven't posted this in a while so here are a few ways that you can interact with us....

Facebook - Aimee Freeman & Women's Marriage Ministry Fans
Twitter - Aimee Freeman (I post several times a day about random things that I don't post here - also posts to FB)
RSS Feeds - Women's Marriage Ministry (Read the blog via email so you don't even have to go online.)
The Blog Frog - Women's Marriage Ministry (Our own support group with a variety of topics)
Grab a Button - Post THIS CODE on your blog to add our Women's Marriage Ministry Button.

Day Three - REPOST

I haven't mentioned this before but I would like for you to keep the fact that you are doing this challenge a secret from your husband. We want him to see that you are changing & not just doing a lesson as a one time thing. We don't want him to feel like an experiment. I am not one to keep secrets from Adam & it is impossible for me to lie, which I am thankful for. If he asked me what color socks I had on & I realized later that I had a different color on, I would tell him. :)This is a good secret, like buying a present for someone. You hide it until the right time. I would never suggest keeping any other kind of secret.

Last night I revealed the book series that I am working from & tonight I want to explain a little the basis of what Dr. Eggerich's is teaching. If I asked you what the most important thing in the world is to you I would expect that most of you would say....


As a woman that is our greatest need. We need love like we need air to breathe. There was a comment posted today from Coach's Wife. She hit the nail on the head & Dr. Eggerich's teaches this. As women we want to keep our relationships up to date. Meaning that we feel like we need to talk about our problems in our marriage daily. Men look at it this way; If we are talking daily about our marriage problems, we have a major problem. Worse, if there is an argument, most of us run around the house chasing them to "clear things up". We are working out of love, but it doesn't come across that way because it seems nagging which makes us feel they are avoiding us & being even more unloving to us. Would you believe that when our husbands turn away from us, they are trying to do the honorable thing? Men do not like confrontation. When we chase after them to get them to "talk" they are worried that they will say something that will upset us & even make the argument worse. They know that they get angry & they honestly just want to calm down to save our feelings. We, as wives take this as they don't care & are being rude to us. Am I right ladies?

This was a major issue in our marriage. It is almost as if Dr. Eggerichs was using Adam & I as the example. Adam would always tell me that he needed to get away but I was very hurt by that. I didn't want to be fighting so I would literally follow him throughout the entire house trying to make things right. This would only anger him more because he felt like I was trying to control him. I couldn't understand that. Now I do. He isn't wrong for acting the way that he does & I am not wrong for wanting to fix things. This is how God wired us. Not wrong, just different. Once we started to understand that, we have been able to make the much needed adjustments.

So, if love is the most important thing to us as women....what do you think it the most important thing to our husbands? How many of you said love? I would have said the same thing 3 months ago. Of course men want us to love them but that is not what they NEED. What a man needs just like he needs air to breathe is....


God actually has commanded us to respect our husbands. In Ephesians 5:33 - "However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband". God has wired us to love automatically. This is why he commands us to respect our husbands. Not doing this is a clear disobedience of His word. That was huge to me & it is now one of my favorite scriptures. I believe that the application of this verse can change marriages significantly. In turn, God commands our husbands to love us because he did not wire him to do it automatically.

God created our husbands with the need to take care of his family and to be the leader. If you ask most men if they would die for their families, they would say yes. They are our protectors. If you ask a man if he wants his co-workers to like him or to respect him, he will say respect. Men have this unspoken rule to respect other men. If they spoke to each other the way that we speak often speak to them, there would be a lot of trouble in the world. That is why their spirit is so damaged when we disrespect them. They can't imagine why we would speak to them in a way that other men wouldn't even speak to them. We are supposed to hold our husbands in the highest position in our homes. God commands us to respect our husbands unconditionally. Are you disobeying God? I was.

Entertain this thought for a second. If I asked you right now if you love your husband, what would you say? If I asked you if you respected him, what would you say? Unconditionally means that your husband does NOT have to earn your respect. You are to give it to him without question. How would you feel if you asked your husband if he loved you & he said not today. You don't deserve it. I personally would be devastated.
While Adam & I were separated, I emailed him at least 10 times letting him know how much I loved him. He didn't respond to a single one of those emails. He never doubted that from me. That was not our problem. He felt that I had disrespected him, time & time again. He was right. Once Lisa brought this to my attention, I sent him a short email apologizing for being disrespectful to him which she wrote for me. She ordered me to send that email the way that it was. Do not add additional words or feelings. This was unnatural & completely uncomfortable for me. I trusted her as I had no other options at that point. Would you believe that he emailed me back? It was at that moment that his feelings for me started to change. Don't get me wrong, it wasn't over yet, but the door was cracked just enough for Adam to begin seeing my changes & believing that they were not temporary & they were real.

In my efforts to show you how "normal" & "real" we are, I want to let you know that we fell victim to the crazy cycle just last week. Adam & I used to fight or at least pick at each other several times a week. We have been back together for 2 1/2 months & we have had one fight. Adam came home from work & he was unusually grouchy. I felt like he picked on the kids, he picked on me, he made a comment that made me feel like I was not keeping up with the house, etc. I had made a nice dinner that night & I hate when I go out of my way to do something & an argument or negativity takes away from my nice thing. So, my feelings got hurt. We started to argue. Adam asked me to go away & I did. I was proud of myself for taking my new knowledge & actually applying it. I played with the kids, put them to bed, & had time to myself before bed time. All the while I was getting more & more hurt & angry that Adam wasn't moving forward to speak to me. We have agreed since our separation that we would not go to bed angry & it was getting near that time. I went to bed & laid there as long as I could so that he had every opportunity to make a move. It never happened. I tried to once again practice what I had learned & I went to him. Dr. Eggerichs says that, "The person who feels that they are the most mature is the one that should move forward first." Well, of course I thought this was me so I did it. I knew that I was about to walk into a danger zone because Adam still seemed very angry. I tried talking to him in a way that I thought was right. When I saw that it wasn't working, I did everything that I shouldn't have. I told him how HE should be acting & basically disrespected him by telling him that he wasn't living up to his end of the bargain. I told him I would tell our counselor. He immediately jumped up & told me that I haven't changed at all. Obviously, this is not true & he will admit that today. He was angry & was reacting from his feelings just as I was. We got on what is called, "The Crazy Cycle." Without love, a woman reacts without respect, but without respect, a man will react without love. So who again is the one that will break the cycle? The one who feels that they are the most mature!


I left the room & emailed my counselor/accountability partner. He revealed to me what I had done wrong & how to repair it. I can see how clearly what I could have done differently. Again, it is very unnatural, so you have to train yourself to be this way. What I should have done as a good wife would have been to find out what was troubling my husband. Why did he come home so grouchy when he hadn't been lately? Why was he "picking" on us for silly reasons? Why was he quick to temper & take things personally? My partner suggested that I go into the other room & offer Adam a snack & a back rub. Of course, it is much easier to respond back in a negative way because of hurt feelings. The feelings follow choices lesson is one that will be used over & over. Unfortunately, I had gone to bed before I received his advice, so I wasn't able to practice it. However, I wanted to know how Adam would have received that gesture, so I asked him. As angry as he was, he told me that would have helped tremendously & would have made him feel like I cared about what was bothering him. It turns out that he was just in a crabby mood for no reason at all. Nothing happened. We just get in a funk sometimes. He felt as though we were not interested in him that night or what he wanted to say. Perhaps meeting him at the door would have avoided this entire situation. ??

Learning this information from this book series will not prevent you from getting involved in the crazy cycle. In fact, Dr. Eggerichs admits that he & Sarah still get on the cycle too. Training yourself to think differently will just teach you how to get on the cycle less & how to get off sooner.

Lesson #3 - Tonight make his favorite meal or dessert. (Or both!) Proverbs 31:15 says, "She gets up while it is still dark; she provides food for her family and portions for her servant girls".
You are making deposits into your marriage. During this two week period be prepared for your husband to do something unloving. You have greeted him, hugged him, & made his favorite meal, but later he yells at you for moving his keys. Ignore it. Don't throw your hands up saying, "Respecting you doesn't work. You are as unloving as ever." You are fasting from complaining for two weeks. Lower your expectations. You can't expect him to change in every area of his life because you did three nice things. Do this for God & not for your husband. God commands you to do this.

I invite you to take this one step further. As I sit here & type this I realize that I am guilty of something that I could do a little better. I am sitting in sweatpants, a tee shirt, no makeup, & messy hair. We would never have been seen this when we were dating. Thank God our husbands still think that we are beautiful when we are a mess. However, from time to time we should put a little extra effort into looking our best for him. I am going to be doing this challenge & all of the others along with you because I need to work on my marriage at the same time. I need to continue to strive to be the very best wife that I can be. I invite you to not only make his favorite meal or dessert but to also take a shower, put on a little makeup, set the table nice, & show him that you have gone out of your way to make him feel special.

"Lord, thank you so much for working in so many marriages so quickly. These stories are an inspiration to all of us. As we see you working in these families we are encouraged to try harder in our own lives. Thank you for all of the women that are following this blog. We are building an unbelievable support system for each other. Lord, please give each of these women the strength to push through each lesson. Give them a few extra minutes out of their day to be able to comment to all of us on their experiences. Lord, please allow us all to make a beautiful dinner for our well deserving husbands & please prevent any major kitchen nightmares. We ask that you please help us to wrap our brains around the principles of love & respect so that we can begin to apply them. Our culture has not always shown us that this is the true way to live. Lord, we want to honor Your word & not be disobedient to You. Please forgive us for not following Your commands in the past. Now that we are aware of what You want from us, we will be better. Thank you Lord for giving us this chance. Amen."

Love & Respect Challenge - Day Two

I have to say that last night's challenge was pretty easy for me. I learned the importance of meeting Adam at the door several months ago, before we did the Love & Respect 14 Day Challenge the first time. He loves it. Unfortunately, I have learned that being greeted at the door is important to me too & that doesn't always happen. Sometimes I start to feel a little hurt, as if I am not as important as he is, but then I remember that I can only control myself & I am changing for him. I do have one thing on my side that Adam doesn't have as well. He has a REALLY loud Jeep. I can hear him coming a few streets away so that allows me to dry my hands, give a quick mix to my food, look in the mirror, etc. We always text each other when we are on our way but this gives me a little extra warning notice.

I don't think that I have missed a single day at the door since I started. To me, there are no excuses why this should be skipped. It takes 30 seconds & makes a much greater impact. I prepare for Adam coming in just like I prepare to make dinner or anything else. If I have to pee, I hold it. I have had to wait a lot longer than 30 seconds before. LOL I was on the phone the other day when Adam got here which has NEVER happened, & I asked my friend to hold on so I could greet Adam. It wasn't perfect, but I still showed him that no matter what I was doing, I was happy to see him & he was important.

I was happy to see several MckLinkys get posted. I did come across a blog or two that mentioned the challenge but didn't post a MckLinky. Be sure to do that. Many of our readers are checking out the listed blogs & they want to hear what is working for you. I throughly enjoyed reading all of your posts. There will be a MckLinky posted for today & each remaining day of this challenge. Enjoy!

Day Two Challenge - REPOST

One of my goals for this blog is to get you all involved & make it interactive. You might say that it can be the largest small group in the world. I am only one person & there are thousands of you. I really need the help of each of you to reach the masses. So now that most of you have completed the day one challenge, please send in a comment about how your husband received you. The more of us that share, the more that we will inspire other wives to make a change in their marriages & families. Please take a moment to do this.

I understand that last night's challenge may have been very easy for some of you & I am proud of you for doing it, even though it may not have felt challenging. However, I want you to keep in mind the husband & wife who are hardly even speaking. The marriage that is completely broken & on it's last leg. For those wives to be able to meet their husbands at the door, that is HUGE. When Adam was still in our home but preparing to move out, meeting him at the door would have felt extremely uncomfortable because I was too worried about how he felt about me and if he even wanted me to do such a kind gesture.

When I spoke to Lisa on the phone that first time, she warned me that what she was about to tell me would feel very unnatural & would go against every fiber of my being. What she told me was that she felt the same exact fear of rejection or feeling uncomfortable when she heard what challenges she had to perform in the book, but it worked for her & for her marriage. Lisa asked me if I could trust her & follow what she was teaching me. Since I had tried every thing else unsuccessfully & because it worked for her marriage, I happily agreed.

I vividly remember the day that I listened to the CD that came with my books. The kids were outside playing & I got on the computer because I couldn't wait until they went to bed. I told you that I am not good with patience, so when I saw that there was a CD & two books, it was easy to choose which one I would use first. LOL I took a notebook & a pen with me so that I could take notes. I remember thinking about how easy these principles seemed to me. Even though Adam was already gone, 3 1/2 hours away, & finished with our relationship, I felt that I had a great shot at turning things around. I was pumped up! I wanted to hear more so I immediately started reading the first book.

I know that you all are very anxious to find out what this book series is & how you can get it. I suppose that I will not keep you in suspense any longer. :) The series is titled, "Motivating Your Man God's Way." It is written by Dr. Emerson & Sarah Eggerichs.

You can visit the main website at Love & Respect to purchase the series. You can find the link on my main page in the Favorite Links section. There are other books on the website that we will be digging into later. The two books & the CD are sold as a set for just $24! I know that money is tight for many of us right now, but I promise you that this will be the best $24 that you will ever spend, especially if you think about how much a marriage counselor or getting a divorce will cost. This series is indisputably priceless. If you are as impatient as I am & you feel that you don't have time on your side, I would also recommend getting the 5 session conference download. It is $40 instead of $50 if you buy each session separately. This is something that you don't have to wait on in the mail. It is accessible immediately. The good news is that the shipment came much faster than I expected. I think I had them in 5-6 days.

I listened to the CD titled, "The Crazy Cycle" on my own first. Once I put the principles into practice & Adam agreed to work on our marriage as well, we listened to it again together. The information got Adam just as pumped up as it did for me. He wanted to hear more right then & there. We jumped in full force & started listening to the downloads. They are each a little over an hour, so we do it together as our quality time. We don't need to watch TV or play Bejeweled every single night. (LOL)

Look at it this way, you went to school for many years and worked very hard at getting an education to become a more intelligent person and for a better financial future. Or, you work very hard every single day at your job to increase your family's financial security, then why can't you spend an hour or two every day or every other day to strengthen the relationship with the one you plan to live with for the rest of your life. That means, after retirement from your job and when you don't need your education to go play BINGO down at the Moose Lodge.

One of the biggest things Adam would say during our separation is that we have a lot of work to do. He would say that he had a lot of work, I had a lot of work & we have a lot of work together as a couple. This made a happy & satisfying life seem so far away. He felt that it was "time" that was important & that you couldn't be "fixed" overnight. Adam's opinion has changed completely. These principles are so basic & so simple to follow that it really doesn't matter if you have been married for one year or for thirty. It doesn't matter how much hurt & pain are buried in your core. You CAN change, he CAN change, & your marriage can be more than you EVER dreamed possible. Can you trust me on this?

Starting tomorrow night, I will get more into the teachings of the book series. Tonight there will be a lesson for you to do on your husband just as there was last night. However, I have a few additional things that I would like you to do for homework.

1. When you are finished reading this post tonight, please click on the comment section & give us your testimony from last night. It may help motivate another wife to accept the challenge & will push another family onto the road of being repaired.

2. Find an accountability partner. We all know someone that could use this information. Give them the best gift that you could ever give them. Call them up or email them, whichever you prefer. Get them involved & agree to do this together. Support each other. As I mentioned earlier, this information goes against everything that you were ever taught. You will need at least one person who will agree to trust with you & keep you motivated. I know that my friends (that weren't following along with the books or the CD) thought I was crazy at times because of the challenges that I accepted in order to fix my marriage while maintaining hope during our separation. They are so thankful now that I stuck with it & I am happier than I have ever been.

3. This 14 day period is not a time for you to get your husband to open up & discuss past issues. We are actually trying to avoid that. You want to show him that you are changing. Remember, he may not be used to your new behavior & he may actually say something negative. You want to avoid confrontation at all cost. I told you this would be unnatural. In addition to the daily lesson, try not complaining to him about anything. If you need to complain, call your accountability partner. She may want to vent too. :)

Lesson #2 - Greet your husband & give him a hug. Let him know again that you missed him or were thinking about him today. Again, this is secondary to what you are really feeling. Just do it. If he says something like, "Wow, two days in a row. Do you want money or something"? Ignore it. He is saying this to you because he is noticing your actions & they feel good to him. What may feel like sarcasm to you is playful bantering to him. After you hug him, leave the room. Don't allow for a conversation about your new behavior. This isn't a game, we are just trying to avoid getting into a discussion of unresolved issues that you are not equipped to handle just yet.

The Devil Made Me Do It & Challenge Day One

I am so sorry that I have been MIA for the last several days. To be perfectly honest, the devil has been working very hard on me & on my family the last few weeks. I could not bring myself to write because I feared that if I tried to do anymore good, the devil would attack me even harder. I did not feel that I would be able to handle that. I became weak & I apologize. We are still under attack, but at least now, I am recognizing where he is hurting us & how he got in. I have been reminded by dear friends that we have the tools to fight him & with God by our side, we WILL win. Please pray for our family that we will become as strong as we were just a few short weeks ago. Please pray that we will be able to recognize what he is doing & that we will remember the truth & not fall weak to his lies. 

Thank you all for being patient with me & still visiting the site on a daily basis, even though there wasn't any new content. Your support has been amazing! By the way, there are way too many photos of "cute" devils online. He is not cute & I hate that he is portrayed that way. So, I apologize for the photo of this mean & ugly devil but it seems to fit him perfectly. 

So, I took a poll to see what you all would like to study next. It looks like the response most received was The Love Dare. However, since there were MANY of you that also voted for the 14 day Love & Respect challenge, we will start with that one, taking us up to Valentine's Day & then we will do The Love Dare. I couldn't ignore the response that we received about doing this challenge a second time. To make the 14 day challenge just as exciting the second time around, we have added a feature. Some of you may have seen it on other blogs or even used it before. It is the MckLinky.

What is MckLinky? Well, basically you will be able to post a link to your blog on my blog. Now, the rules are that in order to submit your link, you need to write a post on your blog about the challenge, our blog, your insecurities about the challenge, little extras that you are planning, or your success story with that particular challenge. Whatever you think will help other wives to know. So, since today is day 1, you would just post about what you are doing tonight, how you are planning, etc. You will also need to direct people here so that they can read the full challenge themselves. On day two, you would post your results from day 1 & how you are planning for day 2. If you have previously completed these challenges, please feel free to share those results as well. Make sense?

The point of this is to get others excited & so you aren't all hearing about only my success. We want to let wives know that this information really works & how it is working for all of you! All of the links are listed at the bottom so our readers can visit all of your blogs as well! Very cool stuff.

Day 1 - The Love & Respect Challenge - REPOST


So, what I would like to do is share my journey as a wife with the sole purpose of helping others who may be troubled in their own relationships. To start with a little bit of history on us, Adam & I started dating five years ago & we have been married for three. Our relationship was beautiful right from the start. We had the perfect love story on how we met, the most romantic first kiss, and our lives could not have been any happier. The next five years were spent with us together, every single hour, practically 99% of each day...literally.

As much as Adam & I love spending time together, looking back we feel that spending so much time together could have been one of our problem areas. Funny thing is, we would hate when people would mention it to us. We figured that they just didn't understand. Just because they couldn't handle their spouse 14-18 hours each day didn't mean that we couldn't. We didn't argue more than most couples & considering we were together so much we figured that was pretty good. We often joke that we have been married for three years but if you consider how much time we spent together compared to other couples, we have been married for twenty!

So what did we fight about? The normal. You know....money, work, & petty things that don't even matter in the grand scheme of things. I would argue because Adam felt that just because we were in the same house, we were "together". I would argue that I wanted face to face quality time. We would talk about our issues & then we would be fine. However, sometimes I wanted to talk right that second & Adam would want to calm his anger & briefly talk later. However, we would eventually move on from our petty arguments...or so I thought.

If you asked Adam, he would tell you that I was his beautiful, the most important thing in the world to him. He would say that he couldn't live without me. I am sure that most of you felt that when you would read his posts. Our year through Kayleigh's journey was a tough one, but one that I thought we handled pretty well. But what I didn't know was that all of those petty little arguments were building up like a raging volcano, packed deep inside "Adam's earth's crust," waiting to explode.

After our princess went to Heaven in May, we had made plans to get away. Just the two of us alone so that we could reconnect from all the heartache, even though we honestly felt as if we were doing okay on the outside. We went to the beach for the weekend and within the first ten minutes of the car ride, we started to argue. By the time I got rid of my stubborn attitude, we fought again. This actually became the theme of the weekend. Adam stormed off to be alone because his anger was way out of control & I stayed in the hotel room, crying. Before the trip ended, we reached a very heated point in our arguing & Adam told me that he was tired of this & he wanted a divorce. As most fights go, we got really nasty. I spent the next 2-3 weeks hoping that Adam would calm down, but he spent them planning his exit. I was in complete disbelief.

Adam moved out of the house a few weeks after Kayleigh's memorial. I was completely devastated & most days, unable to function. Just my luck, it was summer & the kids were home with me Monday-Friday. Sadly, I could have spent every day in bed without any food or water. For the first two weeks or so I did a lot of begging, telling Adam over & over how much I loved him. He was trying his best to be polite, but he didn't want to hear it.

I was already going to counseling because I had started that before Kayleigh passed away. I then ordered about 13 books from the Christian bookstore on saving my marriage, divorce, you name it. I had to gather as much information as I could "to change Adam's mind." Honestly, that is how it started. I was a nut. But, it was in the name of love so that made it ok. Right?

While I was waiting on my shipment I decided to utilize what I had at home already. The first book that I went to was the Love Dare. I wasn't sure if I would be successful with this because Adam was three & a half hours away. I had to try. I took the kids outside which was an amazing feat in itself & I read. As I looked over the first lesson I found that I had a few faults. Things that I could have been better at personally. I was shocked because of course I had never been wrong in my entire existence. I read the second chapter & again, more soul searching, more honesty with myself, & more work to do to make ME a better person. My goal had shifted. I was absolutely trying to get Adam to come home, every minute of every day, but I was doing it through my own changes. I started a daily prayer journal where I would write about what I had learned for the day, how my faults affected my marriage, how I needed to make adjustments, & then I would type out a prayer. This was very therapeutic.

It was during this time that I became closer to God than I ever have. I had just lost my daughter, my home, my job was in the toilet, & now my husband had left. Thank God I still had the kids but I couldn't turn to them for help. I HAD to turn to the only one that would always be there for me. God. My days were spent crying, reading, praying, & reading some more. I felt that if I wasn't learning, I was wasting time. Time that would surely run out before my husband would fall into the arms of someone else. I did warn you that I wasn't patient. I felt like every day was a ticking clock.

As I would apply the things that I was learning from reading, my counselor, friends, etc. I would find that they weren't working. I became more & more depressed & ended up on anti-depressants. I probably should have started them following Kayleigh's passing, but I am not the type to take medicine if I don't need it. I finally learned that worry was sin. Now things would get interesting.

I had finally reached a point where I knew that I was changing. I believed that I wasn't just saying what Adam wanted to hear. I knew how I felt about him & I continued to believe in how he once felt about me. I reminded myself daily that we entered into marriage & God would never want us to get divorced. I became numb to Adam's rejection & in those times I gave it all to God. You might think that this was the hardest thing that I would do but it actually was the ONLY thing that gave me true peace. Now, I am human & I did freak out occasionally. Don't get me wrong. However, after my initial weakness I would remind myself of how God wants me to be. God wanted me to continue loving & respecting my husband even though he didn't deserve it. He wanted me to honor my commitment even if Adam wasn't. I am not one to enjoy or even tolerate rejection so I knew from the beginning that I couldn't do it without God's help. Most people think or say that God won't give you anything you can't handle, but actually that means...God won't give you anything you can't handle, without His help.

I met someone through Elevation Church that became an amazing friend to me & the biggest reason that I made the changes in my life that I did. She was there through countless emails & calls & pointed me in the direction of the very book that would change my marriage. She did this because it saved her marriage & the marriages of many others. It is the book that Adam & I practice from every day & what inspired me to move forward with this blog. I will discuss this book more in my next post, I Promise. Thank you Lisa Shea for everything.

There were a mix of things that happened in our lives for Adam to come home. I had reached out to everyone that was close to us that was a Christian. My last hope was Brent Riggs. As most of you know Brent has been a dear friend to us over the last year. I knew that Adam respected him tremendously & he is without a doubt, one of the wisest Christian that we know. Brent had tried to contact Adam unsuccessfully a few times but finally he got through. It was that phone call along with my changes, Adam's faith, & God's intervention that brought us back together again.

Adam & I have honestly never been happier than we are right now. Our separation was not the end for our marriage. It was the beginning. As hard as that time was, I am SO thankful that it happened. We always believed that Kayleigh's purpose was to help others. Now we believe that she was also sent to us to save our marriage. Kayleigh's passing was not what caused us to separate but the extra pain that came along with losing her amplified the problems that we already had. I never imagined that one little life could impact so much.

When I met Lisa & she gave me this incredibly helpful information, I knew immediately that helping to save marriages was my calling. God had opened that door for me before but I never walked through it. Whenever a friend or family member was having a marriage problem, we always jumped in full force to help. I am not the kind of friend that tells you what you want to hear. I tell you what you NEED to hear. Sadly, this is also why I don't have many true close friends. Not everyone can handle the truth. Now that my marriage is stronger than ever, Adam & I are ready to pay it forward.

I started this blog mainly for wives. I want to teach you what I have learned. The principles are so amazing & easy that you will see results almost immediately. If Adam could go from being 100% completely done with our marriage, there is hope for your marriage too. We were just discussing today how nobody ever teaches this stuff. Maybe that is why 50% of first marriages fail & 70% of second marriages fail. The things that we have learned are the behaviors of men & women. Not wrong, just different.

As I said above, I started this blog mainly for wives. However, if you are a man who reads this and is in need of help, then don't hesitate one bit to email Adam or myself because we want to help anyone and everyone. My email is down below, but Adam's email is: Adam@TeamFreemanProperties.com

Everyone says that communication is the key to every marriage, but what is more important than that is understanding each other so we can communicate properly. Once we understand each other & what the Bible teaches us, we are sure to get on the right track. If we don't make these much needed changes we will have the same outcome with our next spouse, & our next spouse. All the while our children will suffer & we will never end up truly happy anyway.

Please take this journey with us. Every marriage reaches a tough time at some point. This message is good for ALL ears because no one is perfect and we could ALL learn something to strengthen our marriages, relationships and even friendships. Even if you are single, this is a perfect way to prepare yourself for that next step. You can't afford to miss this.

So here are my hopes. I would like to see everyone start a prayer journal. I am a computer junkie so I did mine on Microsoft Word. Feel free to write, type, etc. Whatever will get you to do it. I would also like this blog to be interactive. When I post a challenge, let us all know how it worked for you. Your testimonies will encourage others. Please refrain from being negative. If you don't like what is being said, you don't have to listen and you are not bound to join in what God is doing here. The teachings & ideas are coming straight from the Bible & any negativity will be moderated and deleted so it won't find its way for other eyes to see.

Lisa would tell you that I always wanted more & more info. I didn't like being told that she would teach me that later. Sorry Lisa. In the next few weeks I am going to go into this lesson. However, I know that some of you need to get started right away & you just can't sit back & wait. Here it goes....

Lesson #1 - Tonight or tomorrow when your spouse comes home, greet them at the door. Don't yell from another room. Physically meet them at the door. Let them know that you missed them today. (even if you didn't) I have started doing this with Adam & he absolutely loves it. Honestly, so do I. I feel much more special when I feel that everyone is happy to see me. If this is not possible to do it this way due to your schedules, then be sure to make him feel like you missed him & you are happy to see him when you are face to face. 

This will be a 14 day lesson with a simple activity each day. Don't forget that we want to hear how it is working for you. Also keep in mind that your husband probably isn't used to this behavior so he may even say something inappropriate or wonder if you are up to something. Just ignore it. You are going to change your behavior. His will follow. Men are much slower normally & it will probably take a few days for this to kick in. Don't worry. It will.

I want to throw my disclaimer out here. I am in no way claiming to be a professional. What makes me qualified to do this is that I am a Christian & we are learning Biblical principles. Plus, this is what worked for us. If you are skeptical, I understand. So was I. So was Lisa. Just hang with me for the first 14 days. Learn what I have to say with an open mind. I promise you will see a change in yourself & your husband. Please, just give me that amount of time. I will make the commitment into you if you will do the same for me. If you won't do it for me, do it because your troubled situation has nothing to lose.

Please understand that more than anything, we want you to know that we are not a fairy tale family and we are not wanting to share our story to compare who has the better or worse relationship. The big picture here is to point out that if you are having big or small issues in your relationship, there was a time when you loved each other deeply and these problems didn't exist. All we want is to help you find a way back to the happiness you for so long have attempted to achieve. So whether you have been struggling for three years or struggling for ten, look at the positives and be happy that you still have a chance to make things right.

Please check yourself as a follower to the blog & feel free to forward to anyone that you know that may need a change. Help me to help the world.