BlissDom'11 Conference

I am so excited! I want to go to BlissDom'11! I opened up an email this afternoon that read, "Want to go to BlissDom Conference for Free?" Yes, yes, yes! What is Blissdom'11, you ask? Check out the short video:




BlissDom Conference 2010 from Blissful Media Group on Vimeo.

If you are cheating & didn't watch the video, BlissDom is a conference for empowering women with the momentum & tools necessary to claim your passion & pursue your goals with fiery confidence. They have workshops that are designed around your specific needs & desires. It is the ultimate networking event for blogging mommas.

I actually first found out about this conference last year, but it was too late for me to make arrangements. This year, the only way that I will be going is by winning one of the prizes or by an act of God. But, I am not going to let that get me down.

I absolutely LOVE blogging & to have the opportunity to be away, away from distractions, with other people that love doing the same thing that I do, that "get" why I do it, to learn, to grow, to share, to make new friends, etc. etc. would be incredibly A-M-A-Z-I-N-G. I would be so blessed to attend this conference. Hopefully I will see you all there! :)

Now I know that many of you are bloggers as well so:

1. Have you been to BlissDom in the past?
2. Have you attended another blogging conference? (If so, which one?)
3. Will I meet you at BlissDom'11?

Abby's Wish

Brent RiggsWhat can I say about him? He has been an absolutely AMAZING friend to both Adam & I. His words, love, faith, understanding, patience, time, friendship, help, & genuine selflessness has been a true blessing to me & to my family. He is one of those TRUE friends that won't let you get away with anything. Brent honestly has kicked me in the rump a few times. Knowing Brent has helped to make me who I am today & who I am growing into. 

Brent's family needs all of our help. Sending all of you his way is really the least that I can do. Be careful, he just may start changing YOUR life too! 

Please check out: Abby's Wish

It would really mean the world to me. ♥

Are You a Damaged Good?

I am so happy to be posting. I have been looking forward to it. I really miss having the time, freedom, & opportunity to post every day. Maybe again someday.... I hesitate to share what I have decided for my posting schedule because every time that I do, I change it. LOL I think for right now, I am going to blog about whatever our church sermon was about that Sunday. I am finding myself taking more & more notes & I want to share that with all of you. In addition, I will probably post a marriage specific post once a week. I may write it myself, or I may repost from another marriage blogger. I am going to start there & see how things go. I am thankful that even in my personal struggle, the Lord can use me to reach all of you. Praise God.  (But really Lord, enough of the personal struggle. LOL)

The series that our church is working on right now is, Damaged Goods. Do you consider yourself to be a damaged good? I think that we all do to some degree. I wanted to take a photo of the back drop of the stage & I am not sure why exactly I left without doing it. It was beautiful & amazing. It contained about 40 different pieces of cardboard from old boxes. Each piece had a word written on it. Some in black sharpie & some spray painted. Words that we would use to describe ourselves. I will never remember all 40 words but I will give you some of the ones that I would have to use to describe me or my past.

Photo added after initial post -

  

Abandoned - Drugs - Control Freak - Depression - Separated - Profanity

There were plenty of other words to choose from as well. Such as, suicidal, cutter, whore, rape, violence, cheater, abuser, alcohol, pornography, liar, gambler, felon, etc. If you could choose all of the words that describe who your are now or who your once were, what would they be? Be honest with yourself. If it makes you feel better, share them with us. I did. Church staff wore t-shirts last week during service with their words displayed. How powerful?! Can you imagine wearing your dirty laundry in public, & to church no less? 

We are ALL some of these words. Even our pastors, best friends, parents, spouses, children, etc. are ALL some of these words. The point is that you are not defined by these words. You are not defined by your past. You WERE this person, that doesn't mean it is who you ARE. Even if you WERE this person 5 minutes ago, you CAN change. You could put all of that in your past. Right now! Your DENT does not determine your iDENTity. 

We all have people in our lives that try to keep us in the past. People that ignore all of the good that we are doing in our lives to change. People that just want to remind us of all of the bad that we have done. It makes it hard for us to believe that we are "worth it". Well, the Lord purchased us for a purpose & the damage that has been done to us hasn't discounted the price that was paid for us. We are ALL WORTH IT! 

Someone recently said to me, "You could only forgive a person so many times." Well, that really isn't true is it? Does the Lord say, "Enough is enough. I have forgiven you plenty of times & you keep screwing up. Sorry, I am done with you!" NO! He forgives us over & over again. We keep screwing up & often times even slap the Lord in the face with our clear disobedience to His will. Even though He sent His son to die for us. He never stops loving us & forgiving us. If we are to be Christ-like, shouldn't we forgive over & over again? Regardless of the cost? Surely the cost is never as high as sending your own son to die. 

So, just like we have people in our lives who want to remind us of all the bad that we do or have done.....we have been that person to others at times as well. Who have you done it to? Your spouse? Your kids? You have been GIVEN grace & forgiveness by the Lord, but are you making others EARN it from you? I have been guilty of this. I suspect that we all have. 

I posted on Facebook & Twitter today a statement that Pastor Jeff made that really pressed on my heart. It is something that I have been thinking a lot about lately. As many of you know, I am working in a restaurant right now. If you have ever had this position, you know that the back of a restaurant is not a place where you hear much about the Lord. I have been wondering what the Lord wants me to do with this situation. I haven't quite figured all of that out yet, which is why it has been on my mind so much. 

However, something really cool happened to me this week. I was talking with several people & they were discussing how frustrating it is that certain people get all dressed up on Sunday, go to church, & call themselves Christian. They, like many people in the world, have a very bad taste for "Christians". Conversation turned a little inappropriate & someone looked at me & told me to cover my ears because I am a good Christian girl. I am not allowed to wear my cross at work (no jewelry except for wedding rings & small earrings) so I wasn't sure how he knew this about me. I have not gone around preaching....just yet. LOL As it turns out, he has seen my Facebook page & all of my scripture posts & motivational phrases. While not a "fan" of Christians as a whole, he told me that he respects me for my beliefs & how I carry myself. He hadn't seen anything in me to go against what I had been posting about. That was an amazing compliment to me because being a good Christian girl in this environment is similar to being the unpopular girl. 

Some of us have been trying to get people to believe in the Lord for what seems like forever. What if they finally accept the Lord & then they see us slap the Lord in the face with our purposeful disobedience? What if we are model Christians & then when the going is tough, we quit on the Lord, even just a little? What if they have heard us "preaching" & then we don't follow everything that we have said ourselves when we have given advice? It is OUR fault that these people feel the way that they do. We have all done it. I've done it. We have all turned someone off of the Lord. Maybe we didn't know it & maybe we never will. We have to stop doing it. NOW. What if I am hanging out with my new co-workers & I start using drugs again, speaking profanity, going out getting drunk, sleeping around when I am still married, etc. etc.? What then? Those people that saw me "preaching", may be turned away from the Lord. Possibly forever.

So what if we TALK one way, but WALK another, aren't we proving these Christian critics right? Are we only being Christian on Sunday or on holidays? Are we erasing all the good work that we have done? We can't pick & choose WHEN or WHAT we follow in the Bible. The Lord doesn't pick & choose when or what to forgive us for. He just forgives. EVERYTHING. We can't say, "I don't cheat on my husband but I am going to do drugs. God will forgive me." Or, "I don't get drunk or beat my kids so it is okay that I look at pornography. We all sin & God will forgive me." Stop making excuses! One right behavior doesn't cancel out a wrong one. 

So, back to the quote from Pastor Jeff. "You may be the ONLY Jesus that some people will ever see." Think about that. What if you are the only chance that person has to come to know the Lord. What impression will you be leaving? Will they see a convenient Christian, a hypocrite, a liar, a double standard, OR will they see forgiveness, faith, grace, worship, unconditional love, proper behavior, understanding, patience, praise, & holiness? What would you think of your preacher or a church staffer if you saw them out drinking & using profanity in a sleazy bar? You wouldn't much believe what they had to say after that, would you? Why not? You are sinning in your own way in front of others. You expect people to believe you when you speak the Word of the Lord, don't you? You can't sit around getting drunk on Saturday night & then ask your buddies to go to church with you on Sunday. It doesn't work. So what if all of those people that once came before us are lost? What if those people never meet another ONLY Jesus? What then? What damage are we all causing daily?

If you remember all of the words that you chose for yourself in the beginning of all of this, you may be thinking that you are not worthy of being the only Jesus that someone will ever see. You would be wrong. Typically we find the Lord when we are down in the dirt. This summer, the Lord had to strip everything from me for me to take a hard look at myself. Sometimes you have to be totally alone & empty to rely on Him. Here are two quotes from Pastor Jeff..."If you have ever felt unequipped or unlikely then you're probably the one for the job." "God is most likely to use the unlikely." Remember those cardboard testimonies? How many of those people made you think? Would you listen to them & how the Lord made a difference in their life? Well, you are that person. Right now, sitting in your chair, that is you! 

You just need to make up your own piece of cardboard or damaged goods t-shirt. You need to be honest with yourself & make your current sins your past. Put them behind you. Then, get an accountability partner of the same sex that you trust. Why? Because when life gets tough we always turn to what makes us feel better & what is familiar. We turn right back to that addiction or sinful behavior. (Galatians 5:1) You need someone who will not let you go there, will hold your hand, & will help you through the tough time. Not someone who will tell you what you want to hear & will make you feel better. You need someone to help protect your salvation. That is a true friend. Who needs more Earthly friends? Personally, I need people in my life that are going to help me into eternity. My time on Earth is so small. Are you that person for someone special to you?

When the time is right, share your testimony with someone. You just might be their piece of Jesus!

As Promised - Sermon on Repentance

Repentance from Lifepoint Church on Vimeo.

IMPORTANT! Period.

Before I get started with today's post, I want to ask you if you go to church? If you don't, do it next week! I mean it. If you are not going to church, you are robbing yourself of a message that can help to sustain you for a week, or even change your entire life. Messages are heard every week at churches all over the world that bring people to the Lord, cure addictions, heal marriages, mend friendships, & so much more. I don't think that I ever heard a person say, "I wish that I didn't come to church today." But I have certainly said & heard others say, "I should have gone to church today." I have gotten at least one thing out of every single sermon that I have ever heard. No exaggeration, no lie. The past few months I have balled my eyes out every week. As I get closer to the Lord & allow Him to work in my life, the more powerful the message & the deeper the healing.


Like many of you, I have made every excuse in the book not to go to church. Of course you don't feel good every Sunday morning, God heals. You stayed up too late, possibly even sinning, God energizes. You are depressed or upset, God can cheer us up. We feel lonely & maybe will have to attend church alone, God is by your side holding your hand. There is no excuse that is good enough. Honestly, if you are making excuses, you probably really NEED to go to church. Please, if not for yourself, your kids, your family, your marriage, your friendships, your job, or even for God.....can I ask you do to me a favor? Please go to church next weekend. If this blog has EVER helped you in ANY way, please go to church for me. Just trust me.


I have only been to a few services in my life where the church has had you, the member, participate in the service. I love that! What a way to make a BOLD statement. Adam & I were fortunate enough to be a part of the cardboard testimonies at Elevation Church last year. If you are wondering what a cardboard testimony is, just watch the video. 

I don't even want to explain it, I want you to watch it. This particular link is 8:04 seconds & it is worth every one of them. I cried through the majority of it, so grab your tissues before you start. GOD IS GREAT! You can have a Pastor stand up on stage & say how these people were healed or brought to the Lord, but seeing the actual participation from each member is so much more powerful.


Tonight I went to church & I took more notes than I ever have. Seriously, I need to start taking a notebook. I have so many of these little note cards laying around that get folded up & put in my pockets. I run out of space often & thoughts are jumbled everywhere. Tonight our lead Pastor took a break & let another one of our Pastor's, Daryl Strickland, lead the service. AMAZING!


So, what was the topic? Repentance. Ok, ok, don't leave just yet. Keep reading & bear with me. It will be worth it. What is repentance? Repentance is changing your mind for the better. Just to be clear, this means better in God's eyes, not better in yours. Pastor Daryl said that he was very upset with God that He wanted him to preach on repentance when he really wanted to preach on joy. But God told him that if he would preach on repentance, we WILL have joy. Praise God!


Our lesson tonight was coming from Joshua 7. Basically God said that if you follow HIS plan, that you will win. Not your plan, not your friend's plan, not culture's plan, but God's plan. THE WHOLE PLAN. Not just the parts of the plan that are easy for you. Are you following the whole plan? Are you being obedient to the Lord or are you a "Convenient Christian"? I realize that that is a strong term, but I am here to get real with you, not be your friend.


As Pastor Daryl said tonight, a true friend will stab you from the front. They will tell you when you are being disobedient to the Lord. We all have friends & family that will make us feel better instead of telling us the truth of the Word & holding us to it. However, those "friends" are doing us a disservice. Making us feel better in our sin should not make us feel better at all. You know it & they know it. But, they do it because they don't want to make you mad or lose your friendship. Personally, I would rather help you get closer to the Lord then to make you feel better on Earth. I hope that you can appreciate that.


So why do we sin? Well, because culture has pretty much convinced us that sin makes us feel better. People cheat because they are unhappy at home. Does cheating really make them feel better? Maybe temporarily. But, the Holy Spirit is eating away at them. They can't sleep at night & maybe they can't even eat. People look at pornography for a quick fix to their sexual desire. People slam their spouse to their friends & family when they should just pray for their spouse & trust the Lord with their problems. People have addictions because again, they wanted a quick fix.


The Lord isn't a quick fix. He is a way of life that you have to accept. When you have problems in your marriage, you HAVE to rely on God. You can't change your spouse & they can't change you. YOU can't keep them from cheating. YOU can't heal their addiction. YOU can't make them stop talking bad about you. But, GOD CAN! I struggle with this every single day. God's timing is not our timing. However, when we want to give up, that we can control, that is OUR timing. So we quit, we separate, get divorces, & move on to the next train wreck of a relationship because we have the same theory. If we choose when & what to believe, we will have the same troubles again. GUARANTEED. You didn't trust the Lord so what makes you think that you will trust Him the second or third time around? You know what is right & you have to follow it TODAY. There is no excuse to wait any longer.


Why do you think it is that we say things like, "Oh, I am just using a little profanity. God will forgive me." Or, "I just cheated on my spouse once, God will forgive me." It doesn't work like that. Sin may not seem like a big deal to you, because you are trying to justify it to make yourself feel better. But it is a big deal to God. After all, He did NAIL HIS SON TO THE CROSS for us. Shouldn't that stop & make you think? Doesn't that make you feel bad? It should!


So, what do you do now? Well, the first step of the process is CONVICTION. Hopefully as you have been reading what I have been writing, God has been convicting you of something that you are doing wrong in your life or the life of your family. Maybe you are stealing from your job, doing drugs, drinking, addicted to porn, cheating on your spouse, disrespecting your spouse, not trusting the Lord, worrying, gambling, lying, etc. Conviction can come from a friend sticking up for the truth, God speaking to you, going to church & hearing the message, or even watching a sermon online.


The next step is CONFESSION. Tell someone that loves you & THAT LOVES JESUS. Not a friend or family member that is going to make you feel better. Someone that is going to talk to you about your sin. Someone that you can trust. Someone that won't tell everyone else in the world. Someone that will hold you accountable.


CORRECTION. Ok, so now we are getting into the hard stuff. Using profanity, getting convicted, confessing, & then doing it again is not going to help you. You have to make a correction. You have to stop doing it. You know it is wrong & you have to change it. Continuing in the same behavior is just compounding your disobedience. Do what you have to do to make things right.  Forget about the temporary satisfaction that you are getting from your sin. Look away from the devil, turn to the Lord, & believe that He has the best plan for you. Do not rely on your own understanding. You do not know what is right for you. The Lord does. Accept His plan & follow it.


The last step is CONSEQUENCES. You may have to face consequences for your actions. If you are stealing from your job for instance, you may have to pay money back, you may get fired, or you may even face jail time. If you are cheating, you may lose your spouse, or you may just have to beg like crazy & earn their trust again. No matter what has happened or what your consequences are, you HAVE to trust the Lord.


Don't confuse God's patience with His approval. He does not approve of your sin. To have rhythm with the Lord requires repentance. Not repenting will haunt you day & night (Psalms 51). Repentance will bring refreshment. If your sin has been against your spouse, let's say you have been disrespectful, you must correct this even if your spouse does not deserve it. We have spoken of this many times before. If you have turned the other cheek time & time again, it doesn't matter, do it again. It is what you are commanded to do. Matthew 18:21-22 says...21 Then Peter came up and said to him, “Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?”22 Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you seven times, but seventy times seven. 


Can you imagine forgiving your spouse seventy times seven? God will hold your hand & He will help you. You will not be able to do it on your own. We all want to give up at times. Ask any couple that has been married for a long time & they will be sure to share stories of hard times. Marriage isn't easy & if you are reading this blog at all, you have experienced that. There aren't so many of us reading this blog because it is "just our spouse" that is "this way". EVERY marriage is work, not just yours. So stick it out with the person that God created just for you. Forgive them for their sins. You will need them to forgive you for yours. We all have issues. If the Lord can forgive us after He gave up His son for us, we can forgive each other for anything, right?


Tonight our church took this one step further. They gave us an index card & we had to write our sin or sins on the card. We could write one thing or we could fill it up, but we had to be honest. They had two giant crosses in the church & we were to get up out of our seats, if we were comfortable, & we had to go pin our cards on the cross with a push pin. Some people folded their cards to remain private & some displayed them for all to see. I had folded mine but opened it at the last second. Many people were crying, after all, they were freeing themselves in that very moment from their sins. We were all committing to the 4 steps that we spoke of in this blog post. For the record, I will be emailing my accountability partner to discuss my card tomorrow. After service they had many staff members on site to pray with you specifically for your sins & for your repentance. It was truly an amazing experience that I wish you all could have been there for. Here are a few photos.

  

You could see all of the index cards stuck on there. Again, there was another cross & this was a VERY small service. Seeing people being so vulnerable & letting God take over their situation was amazing. It is very hard to do, I know. I did a card too, I am in the same boat. Will you join me? Will you allow yourself to be convicted of YOUR sin? Will you confess it today? Will you start correcting it today? Will you accept the consequences today? If so, your new life will start today as well. 

Please get out a piece of paper, sticky note, index card, or whatever else you have. Write down your sins. You probably don't need to think that hard about this. You know what you are doing wrong. Especially if the Holy Spirit is in you. Call, email, or text someone that loves you & THAT LOVES JESUS. (That is really the most important thing. They have to love Jesus) Confess today. 

If you don't have someone that you feel comfortable confessing to, email me at Aimee@WomensMarriageMinistry.com. I may take a few days to get back to you, but I will try my hardest to get back to you quickly. This is important & I don't want to leave you hanging. 

I also want to remind you, beg you, encourage you, or whatever it will take to get you to church next weekend. Please, please, please do it. You may have a spouse that is a non-believer, has already left your home, or is simply not your spiritual leader. I won't lie, going to church alone is hard. But you CAN do it & it WILL be worth it. In the end, hopefully your obedience to the Lord will rub off on your spouse & they will begin going with you. In the meantime, you have to worry about YOUR relationship with the Lord. 

I am going to post this sermon as soon as our church posts it on their website. I hope that I did the sermon justice. I hope that it helped you. The service sure helped me. I will say a prayer for all of you tonight before I go to bed. Please pray for me as well. 

8 Steps for Redeeming Your Marriage Relationship

This post was taken from www.FamilyLife.com. Be sure to read Dr. Phil's comments below. I am totally floored by the statistic. 


8 Steps for Redeeming Your Marriage RelationshipMarty Trammell and Rich Rollins


One plus one never equaled one in our math classrooms, so why do we think it will in our living room? The “two shall become one” Bible passage from Ephesians 5 sounds romantic at the wedding, but when the tests come, it feels like a 50-page story problem waiting to flunk us from our first semester of calculus. Why is it so hard to learn the new math?


The sooner we realize that marriage is a cause of conflict (not just a part of it) the sooner we’ll be able to do the addition. Think about the last “discussion” you had with your spouse. Sure, it might have been caused by expectations or crushed character, but it might have been that the two of you are in the most poignant of all relationships. (The relation part of the word means the two of you. The ship part means you can experience a wreck at any moment!)


As you “discussed,” you pointed out options, arranged supporting materials and finally decided the potential wreck wasn’t worth all the effort (after all, there was a slight possibility you could be wrong). That’s probably why humorist Don Fraser could write “A happy home is one in which each spouse grants the possibility that the other may be right, though neither believes it.”


The next time you and your spouse find yourselves in a “discussion,” practice the following eight steps for resolving relational conflicts in marriage. They are based on two primary causes: control issues and the missing ingredients of respect and love.


Step 1: Understand the commitments of marriage
Our commitment to the person of Jesus Christ is what makes a Christian marriage different from any other. People become Christians by realizing they have sinned and can never meet God’s standard (Romans 3:23). By placing our faith in Him and His pardon of our sins, we have eternal life and can be called Christians.


A focused commitment.  Christ’s forgiveness and His example move us to forgive and sacrifice in response to His love. There are times when I (Rich) take my attention off my wife, but as long as I don’t take my focus off Jesus, He will remind me to pay attention to my relationship with LouAnna.


An extreme commitment.  It’s unlikely that the wounds associated with the lack of control, respect, and authentic love in a marriage can heal without intense devotion. The greatest love stories ever known (including the greatest—the love of Jesus) have demonstrated total devotion. Lovers don’t meet each other halfway. They give everything they have to give.


A growing commitment.  Christian commitment is similar to WD-40, that all-purpose household lubricant. Once we spray it on, it starts eating away at the rusty areas of our lives, freeing us up to experience more of the wonder so tightly fastened on our Creator’s love.


One of the misconceptions of marriage is that when people get married, they lose their individual identities. The opposite is true. “The goal in marriage is not to think alike, but to think together,” says Robert C. Dodds.


When we marry, our new relationship becomes a catalyst promoting growth and frees us to reach our potential. For the first time we have someone who is permanently in our court, encouraging us to give our best.


Step 2: Check the current
Each summer the Rollinses and Trammells raft the Deschutes River. We put the Trammell boys in one raft and the adults in another. Even though the river is a slow, meandering current through the beautiful Oregon forest—and even through the boys are old enough to take care of themselves—we breathe less easy when they float out of sight.


Marriage is like being cast into a river. Our goal is to stay in touch. We never want to lose sight of each other. Because the river flows insanely over the landscape of our lives, we are never guaranteed that our marriages will flow the way most men hope or most women dream. Staying in touch is the essence of a successful marriage. Hold each other daily. Eat together whenever possible. Use these times to check the current.


Step 3: Couple your prayer
Prayer is a necessary step in resolving conflict. We need wisdom and direction in every conflict, and God promises to give it freely and without reservation. When we list prayer in this context, we are emphasizing praying as a couple. Praying together not only accomplishes the same goals as personal prayer, but it draws the couple together in ways that no other activity can.


Prayer is an intimate act before our Creator. When a couple shares with God and each other their deepest fears and thoughts about their marriage and the events surrounding them, they add glue which further cements their relationship. They gain heavenly support from the God who invented marriage. They gain a mutual understanding. Studies have indicated that in staying power, praying separates the marriages that last from those that do not.


Dr. Phillip C. McGraw writes in his bestselling book, Relationship Rescue:

 … an interesting statistic shared by David McLaughlin in his wonderful series entitled The Role of the Man in the Family reflects that the divorce rate in America is at a minimum one out of two marriages. But the reported divorce rate among couples that pray together is about one in ten thousand. Pretty impressive statistic, even if you reduce it a thousandfold.

It is a pretty amazing statistic! We have discovered as we have opportunities to meet with couples that those who pray together have a greater strength and deeper intimacy.


Step 4: End the stalemate
One of the common mistakes we make as couples is waiting. We know what we want in a relationship. We also intuitively know what our partner wants. We could give them what they want, but usually don’t until they give us what we want. This stalemate produces more quarrels and dissatisfaction, which produces a greater sense of estrangement. Common sense should tell us that if we can’t control the other person and we can only control ourselves, we need to do something—something other than wait for them to give us what we want or need.


We see it all of the time as we meet with couples. The husband is waiting to be respected before he will love his wife. The wife is waiting to be loved before she will treat her husband with respect. The result is that no one gets much of anything from the marriage. Somebody has to give in. If that somebody is you and you are the wife, you should try reaching out to your husband. Treat him with special respect.


If you are the husband, you need to reach out in tenderness and start loving her in a way she can understand. Instead of acting like you are entitled, start deserving her respect. Become the lover. It is amazing what happens when our wives start “feeling” love. All of a sudden they begin to reciprocate.


Step 5: Realize you can only change yourself
We are also reminded that we can change no one but ourselves. The irony has always been that, as soon as we begin changing, those around us begin changing, too. Looking back, I (Rich) realize that I fell in love with my wife because of her differences as well as our similarities. I wanted a wife who was unique; I did not want another me. I wanted her to become all that she could be. I discovered that when I loved her, she began to feel free to become that person. We still have conflict, but we have stopped trying to change each other.


Step 6: Do it in love
Several years ago, Dr. Gary Chapman described five main love languages: “words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service, and physical touch.” If your love language is “giving gifts,” you might assume that everyone is a gift-giver. But you may be married to a person who expresses his or her love with “words of affirmation.” They keep waiting for you to say something nice and you keep waiting for a gift. Until you discover your love language, you may be saying, “I love you,” but the other person isn’t hearing it.  Dr. Chapman gives us three steps to discovering our love language.

1.  What does your spouse do or fail to do that hurts you most deeply? The opposite of what hurts you most is probably your love language.

2.  What have you most often requested of your spouse? The thing you have most often requested is likely the thing that would make you feel most loved.

3.  In what way do you regularly express love to your spouse? Your method of expressing love may be an indication of what would make you feel loved.

The Apostle Paul’s description of love in 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 moves love from the abstract to the quantifiable. Patience is measurable. Kindness is measurable. Paul’s description of love removes our excuses for saying “I love you,” but never showing it in what we do. Many of our conflicts would be readily resolved if love were added to the mixture.


Step 7: Stop remembering
At some point, we need to stop opening up the photo albums of each other’s failures and move on. We do that by forgiving. If all we do is stare at the negatives in the photo album of our relationship, very little positive will develop. We need to stop remembering what shouldn’t be dwelt on.


Step 8: Work on being friends
Mark Goulston said, “Take action when you fall out of love.” Being best friends with your spouse is an important facet of a rewarding relationship. The Apostle Paul exhorted his protégé, Titus, to instruct older women in the church to teach younger women how to love their husbands. The word he uses for “love” is the love of friendship. Paul wanted the women to be best friends with their husbands.


Our (Rich’s and Marty’s) best friends are our wives. Whenever we hear someone say that we should treat our family as friends and our friends as family, we think that easy—they’re the same people! Being friends means we have fun with each other, endure the truth from each other, and find our comfort in each other. That way, when the conflicts come, we can rest in the friendship created by years of working on them.


By practicing these eight steps, we believe that every couple can learn to add one plus one and come up with only one. We can use the new math. We can learn to share the kind of oneness that annotates our anniversaries with candlelight and whispers.


Adapted from Redeeming Relationships © 2007 Rich Rollins and Marty Trammell. Used by Permission of Faith Walk Publishing, Grand Haven, MI.


Rich Rollins is executive pastor of Valley Bible Church, a community church in the San Francisco Bay area, as well as a healthcare professional, college vice president, and church consultant.


Marty Trammell is chair of the English and Communications department of Corban College in Salem, Org., and on the pastoral staff of Valley Baptist Church.  He has over twenty years of counseling experience.

Lifepoint Church Sermon - George & Karen Kapusta

Hey everyone. I wanted to post the sermon from this past Sunday on the blog. The guest speakers are George & Karen Kapusta. They are our pastor's parents, they lead the marriage small group at our church, & they mentor couples (individually or together) on the weekends. I have talked about them on the blog before. 

They have been married for 39 years but, it wasn't always easy. In fact, they have a very interesting story that I think that you all would be interested in hearing. It is a story of hope, love, & extreme faith. We all may not have a story exactly like George & Karen's, but I guarantee that you all will hear at least one thing that WILL make a difference in your hearts & minds.I have been blessed to hear George & Karen's story before, but I haven't heard it like this.

Karen is a great inspiration to me personally & I speak with her weekly. She keeps me on track as a Christian woman, is a great support, & challenges me to be better for the Lord. We all make mistakes & we are not going to be perfect, EVER. We all need a George or Karen in our lives to hold us accountable. When I feel like doing something that I know the Lord would not approve of, is not Biblical, is led with feelings of hurt or pain, is selfish, or I am just angry, I call Karen to talk me off the ledge. She doesn't let me get away with anything just to make me feel better. That takes a lot of strength & faith. She is also a wealth of knowledge when I have a question about something I heard in church, need scripture references, or even just a prayer. She is a great prayer!

Thank you Karen for everything that you have done & are doing in my life. I appreciate so very much that I can depend on you for the TRUTH, without fail EVERY time. You are sometimes hard with me, but that is what I need. Being a friend & loving someone means telling them what they need to hear & not what they want to hear. YOU are helping to protect my salvation! It is a blessing to have found that in you. That quality is so rare in this culture. I wouldn't be where I am at this very moment without you in my life. Love you!

Growing Old Together from Lifepoint Church on Vimeo.

Hope In The Ruble

Hope in the Rubble - Posted today at Proverbs 31 Ministries.

2 Mar 2010

Lynn Cowell

"I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and his incomparably great power for us who believe. That power is like the working of his mighty strength" Ephesians 1:18 (NIV)

Mind-boggling devastation filled the screen. I just couldn't wrap my mind around everything that had taken place by the earthquake in Haiti. Such suffering and pain. I went to sleep with the images firmly planted in my mind and heart.

When I awoke in the morning, I began to pray before my feet hit the ground: prayer for miracles, supplies and those who would arrive in that precious country to serve and minister to the broken. A picture of a crying baby being pulled from the rubble came to mind. After over 48 hours of no food, no water and being trapped under a collapsed house, the 18 month-old was rescued. It was truly a miracle.

My prayers moved from the Haitian crisis to praying for a loved one who has gone astray. The one I love has much in common with the newly rescued baby. He too is trapped. Trapped by the weight and destruction of bad decisions and flawed thinking patterns. What seemed like a common path many were taking led to a place of destruction.

What this precious baby and my loved one do not have in common is the desire to be free. The baby sensed something was wrong. Where was her family? Where was food and water? Why wasn't someone coming to her rescue? Such thoughts occupied her tiny immature mind. My loved one has yet to discover that he indeed needs rescuing. He has yet to recognize the weight of selfishness, unforgiveness and self-destruction pressing on him.

Do you have one you desperatel y love who is heading toward destruction and doesn't realize it? Do you have days when the rubble of sin seems too heavy- too much to be removed? And you just can't see how God is going to break through?

Help is arriving in Haiti. Armies, doctors, nurses and relief workers from around the world are helping. Rescue is taking place. People's lives have been saved, and in time, the destruction will be removed.

Rescue is available for our loved ones, too. Prayer is the place to begin as we hope that in the middle of their own destruction, they will see their need for rescue. When that realization becomes clear, like the tiny baby in Haiti, our loved ones will cry out for help. We know our God will be there to hear and rescue. He may use others to help them. He may call them to push away some of the debris. But more than anything, we know He wants them free.

Dear Lord, some days I grow weary of praying for my loved one. I am so glad that You don't. 
Please open their eyes to see the destruction they are in and give them the desire to break free. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

To Love 'Anyway' Is To Love Like God

This post was taken from Focus on the Family website. 

On Valentine's Day, Meg* went all out, giving her husband, Peter,* his favorite candy and tickets to a hockey game. Later that night, she wrapped herself in a special outfit purchased just for the occasion.

Peter got her a card.

At the grocery store.

That he purchased on the way home from work.

He didn't add anything to it, either. He just signed it, "Peter."

A couple of days later, Meg tried to explain that she felt a little taken for granted. Apparently, Peter misunderstood her intent because two months later, when they celebrated their anniversary, Peter didn't get Meg anything.

"How could you not get me anything for our anniversary?" she asked Peter the next day. "Especially after our conversation about Valentine's Day."

"Well, I thought about getting you something, but it didn't work out," he replied. "And then I knew not to get you a card because you said you didn't like that last time."

"It's not that I didn't like the card. It's that the card alone seemed a little sparse. But even that is better than nothing ..."

Several months later, Meg had a birthday. This time, Peter got her a present – a kitchen tool set. Several weeks before, Meg had asked to borrow Peter's tape measure and screwdriver. Peter figured that Meg should have her own small set of kitchen tools so she didn't have to borrow his.

Meg recounted all this and then explained how she had tried to get her husband to read several how-to books on loving your spouse. He would read the first few pages, lose interest and never pick the book up again.

"I've realized this is never going to change," she confessed. "But I love him anyway."

Because ...

That last statement of Meg's, "but I love him anyway," is one of the most profound theological statements on marriage I've ever heard. Most of us base love on because, not on anyway. I love you because you're good to me. I love you because you're kind, because you're considerate, because you keep the romance alive.

But in Luke 6:32-36, Jesus says we shouldn't love because. We should love anyway. If we love someone because that person is good to us, or gives back to us, or is kind to us, we're acting no better than anyone else. In essence, Jesus is saying you don't need the Holy Spirit to love a man who remembers every anniversary – not just the anniversary of your marriage, but the anniversary of your first date and your first kiss. Any woman could love a man like that. Or if you love a wife who lavishes you with sports gifts, who goes out of her way to make you comfortable when you get home from work and who wants sex anytime you do – well, you're doing what any man would do. There's no special credit in that!

But if you love a spouse who disappoints you, who can be a little self-absorbed – now you're loving anyway. In doing that, you're following the model of the heavenly Father, who loves the ungrateful and the wicked.

... Or Anyway

Will you love only because? Or are you willing to love anyway? Will you love a man or woman who doesn't appreciate your sacrifice? Will you love a husband or wife who takes you for granted? Will you love a spouse who isn't nearly as kind to you as you are to him or her?

Just about every faithless marriage is based on because love. Christians are called to anyway love. That's what makes us different. That's what gives glory to God. That's what helps us appreciate God's love for us, because God loves us anyway. He gives and gives and gives – and we take Him for granted. He is eager to meet with us, and we get too busy to notice Him. He is good to us, and we accuse Him mercilessly when something doesn't go just the way we planned it.

But God loves us anyway. To love anyway is to love like God – and to learn about God's love for us.

That's love, the way God intended it.

Emotional Lockdown

Hey ladies. Quick post. 


I receive a daily word called "The Word For Today". It comes straight to my email. It has shocked me because just like church, it seems to say what I need to hear every day. You can subscribe to it HERE.


Here is a sample from today's post. 

Have you ever heard of the 'Jericho syndrome'? It's when you're on emotional lockdown. You're afraid to reach out or let anybody in. You've built a wall so you can't be hurt again. Look out, because that wall can imprison you, and everybody else in your life. 'Love is patient... it keeps no record of wrongs... Love never fails...' (1 Corinthians 13:4-8 NIV). Forgiving, when you've been deeply hurt, is one of the hardest things you'll ever do, but you must forgive, and keep on forgiving until resentment no longer controls you. '...Peter came to Him and said, "Lord, how often shall... I forgive him? Up to seven times?" Jesus said..."not... up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven"' (Matthew 18:21-22 NKJV). Stop rehearsing your past and give it to the Lord. He's the wall-toppling, communication-restoring, esteem-building healer of broken hearts and relationships. If you let Him, He will help you to live and love again.

Have You Ever Felt Like.....

Hello ladies. So last night I posted on Twitter & on Facebook a sermon for you all to watch. I mentioned that I would be posting about it here today. If you missed that information, you can watch the sermon at Elevation Church. It is about 50 minutes, but I highly recommend it.

Which brings me to my question....have you ever felt like you heard something that seemed so small, but was so powerful that it could change so much in your marriage? I have. This summer when I first listened to the CD that came with my "Motivating Your Man God's Way" series, I knew that my marriage could be transformed. That one hour changed so much inside of me & then inside of my husband.

Well, it happened again last night....twice. Once when I was listening to this sermon & once when I went to Bible study. First, lets talk about Bible study. I have never been to a women's Bible study before. Adam & I went to a group study for a few weeks when we moved here but this was different. I had the pleasure of meeting 5 new women that love the Lord! I do not believe in accidents & I know in my heart that God has a reason for everything. A friend invited me to this study last night & I decided to go at the last minute. We went around the table taking turns reading scripture from Ephesians 5. Being new, I was holding back a bit & I didn't read until everyone else went. Believe it or not, my passages were Ephesians 5:22-33. This in itself took me back a little.

²²Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. ²³For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. ²⁴Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

 ²⁵Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her²⁶to make her holy, cleansing^[b] her by the washing with water through the word, ²⁷and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. ²⁸In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. ²⁹After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church— ³⁰for we are members of his body. ³¹"For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh."^[c] 32This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. ³³However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.


This is the stuff that I have been telling you guys & learning myself. Interesting. God is trying to tell me something. One of the ladies said something during our reading that really stuck with me & I can't stop thinking about. She said that we are on a WALK with the Lord. We can't expect to change all in one day. This is a process & it takes time. She also said that the enemy will speak to us & convince us that things will never change & they will be this way forever. This could be when thinking of yourself & the changes that you need to make, or changes that you want your spouse to make. Things WON'T always be this way. God can do anything in anyone. He can change anything. Don't let the enemy trick you. You may just be being tested, don't fail!


Six months ago I realized several things that needed to be changed within myself. I have discussed most of them here on this blog & I have been doing my best to change all of them. Some happened over night & were pretty easy & some are going to take time & practice. That doesn't mean that I am not trying to change them every day, some changes are just bigger & require more prayer & grace. Of course our husbands wish that we could change everything 100% overnight & we wish the same about them. God is always working on us on our WALK with Him. We are made in His image & we should love & respect our husbands (& they should love us) unconditionally, as God loves us. 


I realize that this is easier said than done. We all have days where we want to give up & trust the enemy instead of the Lord. It is easier that way. It is much harder to surround yourself in Scripture, Bible study, Christian people, Church, & positivity when you feel as though your spouse is against you. We have both been there, we get it. It is much easier to believe the bad in a person than the good. I am very guilty of this. It is hard when you are hurting to want to continue in that hurt for the possibility of things getting better when you could just choose any of 100 sins to feel better right now. 


Marriage is made in CHRIST & you can't take CHRIST out of it. The Lord wants your marriage to work, that is without question. Matthew 19:6 says, "What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate." This means you! You can't play God. By taking God out of the equation & choosing to do what YOU want to do, you are doing just that. How do you expect this marriage, your next marriage, or the one after that to work if you have already decided that you can play by your own set of rules whenever you so choose?


Ok, so you are going to make it work. Now what? Well, that is where the sermon that I posted comes in. Here it is again so that you don't have to scroll all the way to the top. Elevation Church No excuses, ladies. I told you that I would tell you something that I learned in the sermon that was powerful to me & I felt like it could change a lot in my own marriage. I have to admit that sometimes when I "learn" something, I feel so stupid. It hits me so hard & it is so obvious that I am like, "Geez. Why didn't I ever look at it that way before?" I guess this goes back to my WALK with God though. He can't reveal every little thing to me on one day or I would go into overload. 


Pastor Furtick's wife, Holly, came on stage & shared a little bit about her marriage. Maybe it just took me hearing it from a woman but she explained something to me in a different way than anyone, including Adam, has ever been able to do for me. When I am upset or hurt, I show my emotions by crying. (So does Holly) I can do that pretty well & sometimes uncontrollably. I don't want to be crying, but I can't stop. Adam shows his hurt through anger. (So does Pastor Furtick) Does he really WANT to be angry with me? No, of course not. But just maybe, he can't help it either. There is my duh moment #1. If I am crying & Adam keeps yelling at me that is just going to make me more upset. Well, why am I not considering that about Adam? When he is showing me anger, I am just getting more upset & I am not "listening" to the fact that he is "crying" too. I even sometimes get angry, that he is angry, thinking that he is a jerk. Like how dare Adam get mad at me when I am crying. But, he is crying too, in his own way! What if I was crying & Adam started crying too as a way to show me that I am being a jerk? That would hurt. Duh moment #2. 


As you can imagine whenever you discover something negative about yourself, you feel terrible. Hopefully. You repent, ask your spouse for forgiveness, & make a change without wasting another second. Make no excuses or allowances to behave that way in the future. So was God speaking through Holly? Was it because she was a woman saying this & not my husband? Was it because they are so "Holy" in my mind? Was it my time in my WALK to hear this? Why did I not hear this sooner? It certainly wasn't because I wanted to keep making Adam feel bad.  One thing that I know for sure & what I keep reminding myself is that God won't come early, but He will never be too late. So we should be glad that we are blessed with information that will change us when it DOES come. He tells us when we need to hear it the most. Remember, we don't change everything at once. It is a process of baby steps. 


The video sermon goes into even more detail than I am covering here. I realize that it is probably taking an hour out of your day to read this already. LOL But, I want to give you a few more tips that I jotted down on my paper that I have been horribly guilty of in the past. These aren't easy things to do, but they are necessary & most importantly, they are how the Lord wants you to respond. 


1. Don't yell at him, sick God on him. We can't change our husbands & they can't change us. They can tell us what bugs them or what they would like changed, which of course would require decent communication, but we can't change each other. Only God can change us. Therefore, if you feel like you have to have a more active part in his changing, pray for him. Pray that God will change this behavior & that he will show your husband that it hurts you. Holly said that often, Pastor Steven would apologize hours or even days later that he hurt her. Probably because the Lord worked on him. If you are in God's way, he can't work in your husband. Plus, taking this role will prevent the conversation from going down other roads that will lead to more destruction. Every bad argument goes to places that have nothing to do with the issue at hand. Now there is more damage to repair. Like I spoke about earlier, this is VERY hard to do & will require prayer for yourself for strength, wisdom, & discernment. It is much easier to sin, yell back, & disrespect your husband. This is probably one of my greatest flaws. 


It was funny to me that they chose another way to describe a situation. They said that if your spouse locks you out of their life or a situation, don't kick down the door, but leave myrrh on the lock. A few weeks ago, Adam & I got into a fight. Adam, trying to be honorable & not argue back with me & locked himself in the bedroom. I took this personal & didn't not see him "crying" as I mentioned earlier. He just needed space away from me & to not make matter worse. I acted poorly & banged on the door for several minutes & then even kicked the door, twice I think. At that moment God convicted me & I realized that I was not helping the situation, but making it worse. I knew that I was being disrespectful. However, an apology would not have seemed sincere at the time. I wanted to "fix" things because I realized that it got out of control. So once Adam felt safe enough to come out, I wanted to "talk" again. All I should have done was sprinkle a little myrrh on the lock, prayed to the Lord, & left it alone. He would have taken care of this. Adam was still hurt even though I passed my peak of pain. Knowing that he doesn't like conflict, I should have realized that an easy truce could have been made without a word. 


2. Make it right before the sun goes down. Our husbands are called to be our spiritual leaders. Pastor Furtick prays with his wife every night before bed. Not always a long prayer, sometimes it is actually very short. However, it is very hard to remain upset with someone if you are holding their hand praying for them & with them. You being mad at them isn't going to change them anyway. God is working on that. This is not to say that the issue has to be 100% cleared up, but you just don't go to bed angry with each other. Remember, your spouse is a good willed person, one that you love, your husband would kill to protect you & his family. Try to remember that even though he is mad, he might just need his space, he might just be "crying" too. If he lets Him, the Lord will heal your husband, protect your marriage, & make you stronger together than ever. 


In the heat of the moment we don't always see what is right. We take what makes us feel better right then & there which is usually the wrong move. We compound our sin by adding additional sins. We let the enemy poison our minds to think that things will always be hard. We need to pray not only for ourselves daily to make the right choices, but also for our husbands. After everything that we went through with Kayleigh, I have so much confidence in the power of prayer. I know without a doubt that God can make anything happen regardless of how far away it seems right now. Hang on to that. He WANTS your marriage to work. It was HIS creation. He COMMANDS you to stick through it. Sprinkle a little myrrh on the lock, pray for your husband like crazy, (& yourself) get out of God's way, & let Him work. It will be the hardest thing that you have ever done, but isn't your husband worth it?